Wally’s Wacky World of Inventions

Wally Green is so proud of his inventions, which he made after graduating bottom of his class with a double major in Engineering and Pharmacy Sciences. He now proudly sells these things in Wally Green’s Pharmacy Stores all over Kankakee County.

Double zippers

Wally invented the double zipper so manufacturers can add them to handbags — along with superflouous pockets — to increase prices for low added production costs. Wally figured, who cares if bags unzip when you zip them, and bags zip closed when you go to unzip? Yes, his design is intentionally flawed since the zippers work against each other when the customers pull them. As long as Wally makes his money, he is happy because he loves cold hard cash.

Half ply toilet paper

Have you gone into a store or stayed in hospital and gotten enraged at the dirt cheap toilet paper supplied for the bathrooms? Thank Wally Green. He invented Half Ply Toilet Paper to save money for cheap retailers who do not care about their customers, but do care about cutting costs and increasing their bottom line. It breaks off one piece at a time, but who cares if the customer or patient cannot get it off the roll if Wally is not the one peeing?

Extra-Clingy Pad Wrappers

Are you having a hard time getting your pad wrappers to stay in the garbage and not fly away? Thank Wally Green. His newest invention is the Klinger Low-Budget Patented Wrapping System. Wally invented a way to make sure that pads cost the same but are cheaper to make. He sells them for the same price in his store, of course, and does not care how frustrating it is for the wrappers to fly up, up, and away in the air, even without wings to soar.

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