If social media sites had dating profiles…


Location: San Bruno, California

Politically I am:

The copyright police. Wooo-wooo, don’t go to jail now!

About me:

Due process, what’s that?

I am good at:

Kissing up to the MPAA and RIAA, altering statistics for the heck of it

I am known for:

Knocking down content based off accusations alone; installing annoying commercials with cranked up sound effects and bad, bouncy, boingity music before as many videos as possible. I am not attractive among most of my peers, nor most people on the planet.


Location: San Francisco, California

About me:

Tweet tweet!

I am good at:

Saying things very quickly. See, that was fast!

I am known for:

The 45th President of the USA and his tiny hands. He is my best customer!


Location: Menlo Park, California

Politically I am:

Extremely conservative

About me:

I will tell you only what I want you to know. Shrouded in mystery, I have no support system and I am not good at answering messages.

I am good at:

Giving you updates on stuff you don’t want and not giving you the updates you want.

I am known for:

Useless changes and telling you the same story over and over again. I do not like nudity. Violence is okay.

Young Existing Existential Snake Oils

They are getting sued – class action style!


Check out Sybil’s favorite baseball card. She uncovered it in her box of treats after dinner one night!


If Sybil Made Up Wheel of Fortune Puzzles. New puzzles coming soon to Wheel: “CONVENIENCE FEES” and “HOLD THE LINE”. Don’t tell Pat!


Sybil wants to bring these into Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS) for her Recovery Representatives on Staff Appreciation Day. They sell them at the Kankakee Wally Green’s store. What do you think?