What do you complain about the most?
Category: humor
A Very Moronic Make-Under
It’s Sixth Grade Graduation time in Manteno sometime during the early 1990s.
Gothic Diana Ross’ mother starts a feud with her, because she had watched a few too many talk shows and wishes her gothic daughter would wear boring basic clothes like her.
“Why don’t you dress like all the other girls?”
“I am not the other girls. I am me.”
“Why are you wearing THAT? Why don’t you wear your NICE shirt?”
“I could go naked…”
“You’re not helping!”
“Whaddya mean I’m not helping?”
“You’re not going to Sixth Grade Graduation looking like THAT!
Wanting a chance to look good on film, Mrs. Diana calls up the Morans next door at 810 Kant Street and asks if Diana can borrow Bernadette’s clothes. They end up needing a massive hem, so Mrs Diana safety-pins the blue gingham dress and sends Diana out against her will wearing Bern’s massive un-gothic clothes. Bern goes to sling her arm around Di for the photo, and the rightfully embarrassed Diana shoves Bern’s arm away. Not to be dismayed from getting her way, the spoiled little brat Bernadette sneaks behind Diana and rests her arm on her right as Mrs. Ross snaps the photo.
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Konrad’s New Brown-Drink Adventure
Tycoon tyrant Konrad opens a new café inside his Bourbonnais multiplex, Cinema-13. The barista had just poured the drinks and of COURSE he orders his son Bratley to pick them up.
“You’re hired! Now git to work!” Kon demands while he dreams of the big bags he will make from his new bean-soup business venture, happy to be rid of his former concessions clerk Damien Ulysses Hurlbutt whom he fired after he stopped showing up to work, because he was too busy getting caught trying to storm Area 51.
Want to go behind the scenes and see the artistic process behind these silly stories? Visit: https://ko-fi.com/artbyjenx and if you feel so inclined, leave Chief Moron Wrangler Jen a tip. The Moroniverse will thank you. :)
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Wally Green’s – Home of the Buy One, Get One 50 per cent off (but never free) sale.
Nine Ways to Yeet Bernadette Cacca
How can we yeet Kankakee County’s biggest fake do-gooder? Let us count the ways.
- World’s largest slingshot
- Ejector seat
- Hide your poopies in another town (Sorry princess, but your turds are in another castle.)
- Deportation
- Close washrooms for maintenance.
- Put her in a cage with a hungry lion. She’s already an undead bog-witch and will reanimate after becoming recycled food.
- Refuse Craptocoin at your establishment. Have security 86 her after she has a public freakout.
- Call the HAZMAT team.
- Run an empathy test (preferably Voight-Kampff). She will get mad after flunking miserably, and yeet herself.
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Happy New Year!
Happy New Year from The Moroniverse!
Out with the old, in with the new. Year 2023, yeet to you!
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The Bent Carrots
Daily writing prompt
If you started a sports team, what would the colors and mascot be?
Orange and green with a bent carrot on their jerseys – The Kankakee Bent Carrots would lose every game because they are too busy in-fighting to play ball.
Did you know that “moron” is the Welsh word for “carrots?”
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MoronicArts Classics: Money Can’t Buy You Love, Robbie.
The Hurlbutts get together for their annual Christmas shenanigans. After opening $1000 worth of useless crap from Damien, Kankakee store clerk, covert narcissist and Elvis impersonator Robbie opens the sole gift from his mother. PJ could not wait to give this to Robbie.
Robbie opens his present. “Maaaa, you got this for free from Sybil.”
“It’s an autographed Elvis picture! I got it for you because I know how much you love Elvis.”
“You paid nothing for it. I spent $100 on that Blu-Ray player and the bootleg copy of Dune.”
“Money can’t buy you love, Robbie,” a disappointed PJ advises her spoiled brat son, who is throwing a tantrum like a three-year-old.
“I’ll take it. I can sell it on eBay!” the elder Hurlbutt son Damien tells his little brother Robbie.
The Hurlbutt brothers argue back and forth — after all, that is what narcissists love to do. PJ tries to break up the fight. Meanwhile, smoke is coming from the kitchen.
PJ runs into the kitchen.
“What is that?” Damien inquires.
“The Yule Log,” PJ sarcastically replies.
PJ takes the meat out of the oven just in time to stop a fire, and sends her dorky kids home so she can have a peaceful rest.
Before PJ has a chance to lie down, her best friend Sybil Kibble rings the doorbell.
Ahhh, holiday cheer.
Merry Christmas from MoronicArts!
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Classified Ad Fails from the 1990s
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Archfarchnad?
My favourite Welsh word is the word for supermarket — “#archfarchnad”
Dw i’n hoffi coffi – I like coffee
(no covfefe about it)
Weithiau, dw i’n prynu losin – Sometimes, I buy candy
(Andes Candies are great, unlike Andy Skandees)
Llefrith, ffrythiau a llysiau — Milk, fruits and veggies are my other top three.
“Archfarchnad” is fun so say. It sounds like I am cursing, and feels just as cathartic, when I’m just talking about the grocery store. (Though I would not blame you one bit for cursing in Walley World.)
MoronicArts 
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