Krispy Münchausen is driving the River Valley Metro bus after having moved here from Utica, New York a few months because she’s been on the run for destroying a butterfly garden and then begging for “butterfly food” to “save the butterflies.” A disabled 40-something struggles to climb onto the bus to board it.
“Come on!” Krispy rushes the disabled lady who is trying her best.
“How are you doing?” the middle-aged woman asks Krispy twice, to no reply. She sits there and stares into space, face as stone-cold as her heart.
The woman tries to insert her payment but struggles due to her dyspraxia, an invisible illness which affects coordination.
“Hurry up now, you’re holding up traffic.”
“I have a disability which interferes with my coordination. I just need a little extra time.”
“Quit talking and pay the fare!”
“Kindness costs nothing.”
“Go sit down and pay me when you de-board, you’re holding us all up.”
The woman calls the bus company and reports Krispy in plain sight for her blatant discrimination while she rides the bus, then pulls the cord at her stop.
“Let’s get off on the right foot now. Here is my disability card. Now here is my payment. Slow down and have some patience for the disabled. These times are not normal and you’re part of the problem.”
The woman tries to get off the bus and near a bench featuring an advertisement for the Manteno Cantina, however she falls onto the cold, hard pavement as the driver pulls away because she is in too much of a darned hurry – as if late for a washroom emergency.
Kankakee junkie Leon Peonne chases out his now ex-girlfriend Rach Shelley from his crackhouse apartment after a huge blowout. He had started huffing his rotten-egg scented gas blasts because he found a new drug, and Rach ran out into the cold one last time to escape the stench. Yum!
Leon heads down the local swamp for some hot swampy love with bog witch Bernadette, who has him for supper, then poops him out.
Leon emerges from the muck, reanimates as the newly undead Leon, and makes his way toward the Manteno Cantina.
Meanwhile Krispy Münchausen goes down there just to make a pit stop, hangs around a bit first, mesmerized by Bernadette Cacca’s impeccable butt-trumpet performance.
“Bernadette, I came here just to see YOU! I am your biggest fan! You’re the GOAT!”
“No — you!” Bernadette replies.
“B-Dette. From now on I’m gonna call you B-Dette!” Krispy Munchausen exclaims.
“Is that like a bidet?”
“Yeah…I guess”
“You’re so HARDCORE! I’ll make you an honorary Poopy Groupie.”
“I thought I already wa—“
“Nope, that’s only for the dues-paying members. Now tip me well! It’s important to tip the talented performers here.”
Krispy sneaks out the back after using the washroom, making a stink which could only rival Bernadette’s.
“Haha, I outstank her! Now, it’s time to make that witch pay!”
Krispy slithers on down to the bog Bernadette inhabits, completely forgetting about her passengers. A sign can be read: “The bog witch is out.”
“This is my swamp now!”
Krispy dives in and takes a bath. She starts chucking Bernadette’s creepy dolls out the water to make way for her “Life is Good” crap which she had stolen from a church yard sale.
A loud thump is heard, then the ducks and geese fly away.
“Nobody’s home!” Krispy exclaims.
A banshee-like wail is head in the distance, the Doppler effect lessening as the sound gets louder, before coming to a complete halt. Multicolored lights illuminate Krispy’s arms doing the doggy-paddle in the marshy water. A light shines on the hag’s face.
“Mrs. Münchausen.”
“Who are you?”
“Police. We received a report that you fled the scene of an accident.”
“No, I haven’t pooped my pants all day!”
“Were you driving bus number 2222 today?”
“Why do you ask?”
“A passenger fell while tying to get off the bus and you just left her there. We are going to write you a ticket.”
“But, I was just out here looking for her! I wondered where she went. I went foraging for herbs to help treat her wounds! Don’t tell my supervisor!”
“Too late, she already told me that she will be mailing out your termination letter.”
“Don’t you know who I am?”
“Yeah, a negligent former bus driver who should have known better.”
“I’m a princess! Do you know where I come from? I live on the Moon. Back where I come from that lady would have hurried up! I built a special rocket and flew down here just for a swim.”
“Are you new around here? Shape up or ship out.”
“Well I’m not afraid of you!”
“Rawwwwrrrrrrr!” the now undead Leon Peeonne screams as he lunges toward Mrs. Münchausen.
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Krispy screams like a little girl.
The cop gets back into his squad car and just shakes his head while doing his paperwork. It’s another day in Illinois.
MoronicArts 
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