At age 12, Kankakee inventor of useless crap and future drugstore owner put on his thinking cap to draw up some rather…interesting concept sketches for an invention he started selling on late night TV. Yeah.
Wacky Kankakee inventor and pharmacy chain owner Wally Green is busy hosting his live infomercial advertising his newest invention, the Turd Machine: “Just turn the crank, and shoot the stank! But wait there’s more!”
Bernadette Cacca, part-owner of Peppi’s Portopotties, interrupts his broadcast to deliver an important message.
Kankakee debt collector and big moron Sybil Kibble went up to Chicago this past Monday. She visited the LaSalle Street Buckstars where Damien Hurlbutt got kicked out a few months ago for going batty on the staff when they politely asked him to wear a mask.
Thankfully, Damien was not inside. However, the barista making Sybil’s drink misspelled her name.
Based in Manteno, Illinois — Peppi and Bernadette Cacca own and operate Peppi’s Port-o-Potties.
“King and Queen of the Throne”
Peppi’s hobbies are drinking, puking and smoking cheap weed, the skunkier the better.
Bernadette’s hobbies are singing loudly, playing accordion and hanging out in the swamp so she can lure unsuspecting men. Bernadette has recorded herself badly singing opera and showtunes to play for on-hold customers in the hope they will hang up.
Meet Lori Brown, estranged former wife of Bourbonnais neckbeard Damien Hurlbutt. A covert narcissist, Damien refers to Lori solely as “Grimace” while actively trying to get back with her so he can emotionally abuse her again. Lori works as a medical billing clerk in Chicago, loves root beer and burning poopies.
Read about Lori here:
Wacky Kankakee inventor and wannabe ladies’ man Wally Green wants to open up a furniture store. Just think of all the annoying commercials in which he can star!
Kankakee debt collector Sybil Kibble thinks this CRASS page is a real treat: https://facebook.com/crassllc
We here at MoronicArts congratulate Kankakee for making number five on this list.
Kankakee bill collector and dog-food enthusiast Sybil Kibble helped her Ma JoAnn create a Fakebook account. Next, she is going to help her make one of them FaceCalls.
Keep up with the dumb CRASSians here: https://facebook.com/crassllc