Mommy, Where Do Craptocoins Come From?

Manteno’s favourite pretend-do-gooder Bernadette Cacca plays accordion cover tunes for the Manteno Optimal Club. She also tries raise funds for Ukraine – and of course – the photo opportunity. Why donate anonymously when you can make it look like you care?

She only accepts Craptocoin, mined the old-fashioned way, donating 10 per cent of her tips to charity. She takes the rest home and burns it in her fireplace.

From what is Craptocoin made? NFTs – Newly Formed Turds!

Butt first, Mrs. Cacca has to drink and eat on her campaign to promote irrregularity for her regulars.

Battle of the Nitwits #PoopingForBernadette

In this corner: The Manteno Wonder, Communal Narcadoodle and Portapotty Entamanure Bernadette Cacca! In the other corner: a useless real-estate scammer! It’s a battle of nitwits to try and scam each other!

Backside: When communal #narc and #Manteno Optimal Club president #Bernadette Moran Cacca graduated high school she wanted to be a wrestler. When her wrestling career as the Manteno Wonder failed, she joined the army. She kept getting put on poop burning duty and got a dishonorable discharge…from her butt.

Bernadette was in such a hurry to become a regular that she tried to run over one of the regulars at the coffeehouse. She wanted to get the runs. Gotta mine that #craptocoin and NFTs: newly-formed turds for her charity singing and kazoo playing which she does only for the photo opportunity. Looks are deceiving because she makes a good dog-and-pony poop show pretending she cares. She only loves poop.

#PoopingForBernadette

At last, we finally know who makes those car warranty calls.

Kankakee’s Used Imbecile Machine dealer Brandon Dixon thought Out of Warranty Experience called him. Nope — Tyrell Corporation started selling extended auto warranties after Deckard retired the Nexus-6 Replicants in November 2019.

Reaction time is important, so please pay attention.

Thanos Forgot His Gauntlet At Home.

Poor Thanos. He forgot his gauntlet at home again. “I swear I grabbed it before I left home. I bet it is still there lounging on the desk…right where it was last time.”

“There’s Doctor Strange! How will I defend myself? What will I do without my precious Infinity Stones? I am powerless without my gauntlet!”

“I’ll just give ’em the ol’ stinkeye. That oughta do it.”

Creepy Real Life Stories To Tell In The Dark

My phone fell in the toilet.

This guy won’t take no for an answer. No means no!

Someone used the restroom and did not flush!

Online trolls get chased out their mothers’ basements and bother people in person instead…

She forgot to wash her hands!

Soap is cheap: why don’t people bathe?

This is the eighth time this week some nosey stranger harassed me on the bus! Why won’t they get a hobby?

The Chickenheads Debut Their New EEP-PEE!

Kankakee Rappers Ty-Fowl and D-Fail (Tyrell Fowler and Doug Failure) debut their new Extended Play rap record, “All About Us!”

  1. Hooray For Superficiality!
  2. The Chicken Dance (Farmer Hurlbutt’s Extra Clucks Remix)
  3. Let’s Do Something (Other Than Sex)
  4. Things That Make You Go Ppppphphppppplttttt!
  5. Let’s All Go (To Sleep)
  6. 6 Degrees and Rising (Hell Freezes Over Mix)
  7. I’m In Hate With You
  8. We’re Poor & We Don’t Score (Every Hoop We Shoot Is A Whiff) Feat. Roe-Mello Fowler
  9. The Chicken Dance (Auto-tuned Mix)
  10. The Chicken Dance (Auto-tuned Low-Pass Mix)

Coming soon to AudioCumulus!