Portrait of Gorko staff psychiatrist Lemon Reilly, compliments of Jen of MoronicArts.com. We asked Jen to provide their impressions of Lemon, the guru and truth seeker. They are printed below. LEMON REILLY Lemon has a head like a hole. The essential snake-oils did not help. Wanting to cure their road rash, they go to the […]
Portrait by Jen: Lemon Reilly — The Gorko Gazette
After a long, hot day interrupting people’s lunches and dinners asking for money they probably do not owe, Kankakee bill collector Sybil Kibble rage-mows the heck outta her lawn.
Help Sybil save up for a new lawnmower and some more dog bones to eat: https://ko-fi.com/artbyjenx
COMING THIS MONTH TO THE GORKO GAZETTE‘S PEORIA-BASED HALL OF STARES: NEW SHRINES TO STAFF MEMBER INDUCTEES LEMON REILLY, MITCHELL KENNEDY, RADDY Many new readers, hearing of The Hall of Stares for the first time, picture the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame but with dizzying Escher-like stairs emerging from floor, ceiling, and walls. Well […]
NEW STAFF PORTRAITS BY MORONICARTS TO BE HUNG IN GORKO HALL OF STARES
Sociopath, slumlord and dumpster-clown Madeline Topolla-Teirant wants to change the name of her business Kankakee’s Low-Budget Apartments to hopefully clean up her image and create the impression that she puts people first (even though she clearly does not). Tenants are leaving her sick building in droves and she is losing those almighty Benjamins.
She asks her son Bratley to draw this new logo so she can get out of paying a graphic designer to do it, because she thinks that proposal is bananas.
After spending 30 days in Kankakee County Jail, Brandon Dixon was happy to be free again to sell imbecile machine at his used vehicle lot.
Brandon could not wait to drive his overly lifted truck, covered in decals displaying The Imitation Punisher, profane sayings in a gun-shaped-font, and a Confederate flag to his ”Welcome Party.”
Mr. Dixon would do anything to make sure his Compensationmobiles would go to his customers, however he missed all sales that day.
Kankakee County’s Vaudeville troupe Moronic Half-Assets (MHA) boasts they put people first, as they have all the entertainment with half the budget.
Master of Ceremonies, Cinema-13 owner and CRASS Chief Cook of the Books Konrad Teirant tells really bad jokes. Meanwhile his wife Madeline “Madwoman” Topolla-Teirant juggles chainsaws and tries to balance on a large ball. Robbie Hurlbutt does his best Elvis impersonation
Since their show attendance has been rather non-existent, the Teirants invite their kids Bratley, Chanel # 6 and * to watch the Aroma Park couple and their Kankakee buddy Robbie perform, becoming the first audience members ever.
Since their kids are the only people in attendance that night, the MHA audience again dwindles down to a mere goose egg since they get bored watching their parents’ lame act and walk out.
Catch their tour across the United States (or not):
June 31st 2022 in Gary, Indiana
February 30th, 2023 in Utica, New York
May 32, 2023 in Steubenville, Ohio
Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS) Chief of Information Technology, Fernando T. Perez, wants drive to the office here in Kankakee and show off his new vanity plate. Sadly, he shows up late to his job managing the Enigma Machines attached to birdcages. Find out why in this video:
“This song needs more farty sounds.”
“Isn’t it groovy?” Kankakee Elvis impersonator and wannabe ladies’ man Robbie Hurlbutt asks his brother-in-narcissism Damien who loves to brag about his toot-a-lage.
“I only like the fart parts.”
Kankakee bill collector Sybil Kibble and her silly ma JoAnn love to go squirrel watching. Sybil made sure to bring some dog bones to munch on during her excursion.
“Squirrels are nature’s comedians.”
— Sybil Kibble
“Where did all the trolls go?” Gothic Diana Ross asked as she walked under the dark underpass in Kankakee, near Brandon’s Imbecile Machines in the Used Car District.
”Dude, they are taking a dump all over the Internet,” Gothic Mary quips and the Midnight Supremes giggle.
”Yeah, they crawled out from under the bridges and onto the Interwebs again,” Gothic Flo advises the girl group on the way to their gig, so excited to be busy, unlike the trolls whose home they just passed through.
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