Tag: awards

Moron of the Week – Karaoke Creeper

~ Jen ~ 2 Comments
It’s not that hard.

I make many things: drawings, stories, songs. The way to my heart is through a love of my talents. If you don’t like my stuff, cool. Move on and scroll past. I am too busy, you know, creating things.

Meet Robert Arwyn Jones, A/K/A “Jones” on Youtube. He started commenting on my music. I liked what I heard and commented back. A mutual exchange, right? No, not in his mind; he was thinking with his other head.

That moron mistook my kindness for lust when we took our conversation to email.

When I told him I bond with people who like me for my talents, the karaoke king took the low road by gaslighting.

But wait — there’s more! My lack of mutual lust had gotten this moron so butt-hurt, he made the choice to hurl insults. Ahhh, the average schoolyard bully.

What a prize! For pretending to care about me as a creator just to try and lure me into bed, I award Robert Arwyn Jones Moron of the Week. Enjoy your award Robert, you’re a real winner.

Wally Cooks Up Wacky Inventions

~ Jen ~ Leave a comment
A black-and-white cartoon of an elderly man sitting at a table covered in mechanical parts, test tubes and a drink. Framed pictures can be seen in the background containing text: "Feel The Power Award. FT Power; Bunghole Business; I love Kankakee."


Winner of the prestigious FT Power award and proud member of the Bunghole Business Bureau, Illinois drugstore founder Wally Green loves attending award assemblies!

Look what Wally invented now:


CrapStraps
These bag straps are specially designed longer than they need to be, so they get caught on everything! Why get regular straps when you can get CrapStraps! Coming soon: StrangleTangles!


SpyTV
Are you stuck on the couch, watching the idiot box? Do you talk to your TV? Get the television that talks back! SpyTV randomly listens to your speech, so it can interrupt your regularly scheduled programming, just to sell you crap you mentioned! Upgrade and get our deluxe model that spies on your thoughts!


Magic Closing Doors
Do you hate it when a door stays open? Do you like getting your leg severed? Try our magic closing doors for your car. Old or new, we have a Magic Closing Door just for you!

Coming soon to a Wally Green’s near you, home of the 50% off (but never free) sale! We just graded our parking lots to make it easier for our carts to hit your vehicle!

Moron of the Week: 7 Feb 21 – 13 Feb 21

~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

I am so tired of these Ace Ebb landlords. These petless wonders around here think it is okay to discriminate against us pet parents. It is illegal to discriminate against parents of human children — who make bigger messes than my five year old tortoiseshell cat — and should be illegal to discriminate against us pet parents. My cat just sleeps on a blanket all day.

Our rental market is so bleak for us poor folks, men create listings looking to give a break on the rent in return for “fun.” Last I knew these quid pro quo arrangements were illegal. Considering the bad things landlords around here get away with — both public and private ones — I am not surprised.

Also, thank the owners of the complexes charging $1000.00 – 2000.00 USD for so-called “luxury apartments” in a depressed area, during the middle of a freaking pandemic.

For taking advantage of people, I award the Utica area slumlords and rent-sharks Moron of the Week. You deserve it.

Moron of the Week Coming Back!

~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

Yes, I love to roast real life morons here on MoronicArts. Because WordPress forced its glitch machine, AKA their “block editor”, the code for the Moron of the Week page broke beyond repair.

Moving forward, I am going to award these buffoons their awards on the main page, creating a new category for their non-fiction nonsense.