Moronic Martial Arts: Self-Defense Against Stupid Birds

Gothic Diana Ross FINALLY discovered how to fend off their annoying neighbor Bernadette’s relatives, narcadoodles and shapeshifting humanoid turkey vultures Sonya and Carla Moran!

Hopefully Diana and her sisters-in-singing won’t have to flip the bird again, should Carla fly in, or Sonya hatch an escape plan from Area 51.

Ten ways to ward off cold weather gear enquirers.

Try these helpful replies to nosey “Where’s your jacket?” spammers:

  1. Busy.
  2. Google it.
  3. At 30,000 feet.
  4. My dog ate it
  5. No you can’t borrow it.
  6. It’s pushing up daisies.
  7. :: random fart noises::
  8. Say the name of a ghost town.
  9. A horse took it.
  10. The network is down.

American Cheese Special – A Gorko Guest Article

WORDS AND ART BY JENX Good cheese is like a fine wine (or coffee if you’re like me and don’t drink.) I would not suggest putting it in your glass. You do you, though. We all have guilty pleasures, methinks. Take cheesy music, for example. Some of us even make secret play lists for our…

FROM THE AMERICAN CHEESE SPECIAL: ‘Good cheese is like a fine wine’ by JENX — The Gorko Gazette