Happy Birthday to you
You really like poo
You burn your own poopies
You fart on them too!
And many moorrrrre…
Yesterday, November 17th, was Wally Green’s store clerk, Elvis impersonator and covert narcissist Robbie Hurlbutt’s birthday.
“Are you hosting anyone for Thanksgiving?”” Wally asked Robbie.
“No, my table is rather small.”
“How about your birthday?”
Robbie spied a discounted flower bouquet and rang it up himself to ensure he got his employee discount, not caring that it was against company policy.
“I bought myself these flowers to put on my tiny table.”
The smallest violin played over the store intercom.
In walked Robbie’s number one crush, Gothic Diana Ross, whom Robbie had a history of relentlessly stalking.
“Diana, it’s my birthday and I want to give YOU these roses if you spend it with me.”
Unimpressed, Diana knocked the bouquet to the floor and walked away.
“Be sure to clean up that mess,” Wally Green tells his subordinate.
“Diana, I spent all that money on you, and you just threw my love away,” Robbie said to try and guilt-trip the singer and leader of the Midnight Supremes.
Diana giggled and walked out the door.
Kankakee bill collector, LeBaron driver and dog-food connoisseur Sybil Kibble got these dog bones for her birthday. Shhh…don’t tell her it’s people food.
Happy Birthday to the Kibbler!
As much as Bourbonnais communal narcissist and fedora-sporting neckbeard Damien Hurlbutt wanted to attend his big birthday bash, he could not make it because he got stuck on the toilet.
Instead, we bring you these important words from Squirrely Dan.
We hope your day is Number One!
Happy Birthday Damien Hurlbutt! We hope you made it out that dumpster okay!
Kankakee Elvis impersonator who thinks he is Elvis, Robbie Hurlbutt, posted this billboard to hopefully bring in some birthday cheer. Do you think it will work?