Meet Priscilla “Pris” Dixon

Wife of Brandon Dixon (owner of Brandon’s Imbecile Machines) and mother to his kids; Pris is highly nosey, butts into strangers’ business, but does not believe in answering to knocks on the public washroom door. Pris works as a Medical Office Assistant for a Kankakee Ears, Nose, and Throat doctor and has a reputation for purposely confusing patients just to confuse and gaslight them. Pris proudly drives a green imbecile machine she bought from Brandon, branded with “You just got passed by a girl” decals.

Pris was raised by wealthy parents who gave her everything she wanted. Pris feels that, because she is a parent, she should cut in line at the cafes and burger joints. She dislikes the childfree by choice and gets her kicks by invalidating their feelings. Pris feels that only parents can make a valid point, and that life does not begin until you become a mother or father.

Pris was arrested once in Chicago for randomly assaulting a disabled woman on a bus whom she did not know. Pris has been known to wind people up out of boredom and is not afraid of anything or anyone.

Revenge is Served

Clio Bersola, best friend of Bourbannais bachelor Damien Hurlbutt’s verbally abused ex-wife, spots his posts in the “Nice Guys Looking For The Finish Line” Men’s Rights Activist (MRA) themed group on Fakebook, under her secret account JK Corona. She messages him just to mess with him, and fake-agrees with him over IM on so many points, stringing him along. They become instant friends, in Damien’s mind only.

Damien swiftly asks Clio out on a date because he is so impressed. Wow, someone like him! They agree to meet up at Ma Barker’s restaurant in Chicago. Little does Damien know what is in store for him.

Damien complains about the entire drive up Route 57, and nearly gets rear-ended getting off 90/94. Clio parks at a friend’s house and takes the train.

The two meet up at Ma Barker’s. Damien is wearing a red feather in the brim of his brand new, black fedora as Clio had instructed.

The place is rather large, decked out in gangster memorabilia, reproduction crime scene evidence, Ma Barker photos and those of her famous outlaw sons.

Clio instantly recognizes Damien, whistling loudly to himself, orange neckbeard aglow.

“There’s my lovely Men’s Rights Activist!”

“M’lady, m’lady!” Damien says to Clio as the two embrace, Damien hugging somewhat tighter than Clio.

The two sit down and chat. Conversations flow rather quickly and Damien rambles on about how he was about to give up on love in a month or two had he not met Clio.

“I was about to tuck my heart away forever, had I not met you. So many women treated me badly, especially my ex-wife Grimace. She is so fat and ugly, eeew. She ate so much fast food and begged me for $50 a day. Fifty dollars! My life is complete now I met you!” Damien gushes to Clio.

Clio shudders a bit inside and then gets excited. “The Time is Now” by Moloko plays in her head.

“I have something I would like to ask you, Damien.”

Clio takes Damien’s hand. It is the first time he has been touched since he and his wife divorced. Damien’s grin widens.

“Why do you feel men should have more rights than women? It is us women who are being oppressed. What is it with you so-called ‘Men’s Rights Activists?’”

Damien snaps his hand away from Clio.

“I was not expecting THAT!” Damien snips.

An awkward silence passes by as Damien coldly glares into Clio’s eyes. Meanwhile, Clio is filled with anticipation.

“You women are awful. Men get kicked in the nuts on TV. You people give us a hard time for this fake thing called mansplaining. Men are always the butt of women’s jokes. We are oppressed all the time and your feminism is the cause! You women are horrible! You are a horrible person! I am going to get you for this!”

Damien gets up from his seat and goes to the couple next to him.

“See this woman next to me? She is an awful person. Stay away from her.”

Damien stomps over to a family across the room.

“See that skinny woman sitting by herself at that table? With the dark brown hair? She is a bad person. Stay away from her.”

Damien huffs, puffs, and sits down by himself with his head planted squarely on the table.

Clio heads for the kitchen, to speak with her godmother, the owner.

“I do not feel safe here. Can you please call the police?”

Damien storms toward the kitchen.

“See that woman there? She is a horrible person. Stay away from her.”

“Find your own way home, Damien.”

Minutes later, the Chicago Police Department hauls away the unwanted person, Mr. Damien Hurlbutt.

Clio meets up with her buddy, the former Mrs. Hurlbutt and they have dinner together, laughing and giggling all night long.

Revenge really is a dish best served cold.