Gothic Diana Ross, leader of the Manteno-based cover group The Midnight Supremes, is getting tired of her next-door neighbor Bernadette Cacca peeling out of her driveway, blasting her accordion, and stinking up the air by burning poopies. Diana wants to have a word with Bernadette, who is polishing her wall-mounted Turd Machine, and walks over after she finishes making her poo-shooter shine.
“You have a very punchable face.” Gothic Diana Ross tells Bernadette.
“I have a beautiful face? Aww, thanks. I get that a lot.”
“A punchable face you dipstick. Come here, I’ll give you a knuckle sandwich.”
“Thanks! I love to eat!” a wide-eyed Bernadette exclaims with glee, mouth hanging open until she gets punched by Miss Ross.
Lucy Furr, who had bullied an autistic student on their trip to Italy, is tired of working as Hell’s in-processing clerk. “Just sign the register” Lucy tells the newly damned who try and take over. All she wants to do is hand them pamphlets, and the regulations manual. “I wish I could clone myself” the adult bully says at her post. Lucy gets her wish.
Back in 1990, the Hurlbutts posed for a family photo. N. Ron shied away from the camera and slid into the shadows, meanwhile the elder child Damien pranked his brother Robbie. Matriarch Pearl Jo “PJ” stared off into the camera, and of course complained to the studio manager about the prints when she got them. They put the fun in DysFUNction.
As a tribute to my late friend Caroll Spinney — the man behind Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch — I am telling the backstory of my Grouch-inspired character Gothic Diana Ross.
Oscar art courtesy of Caroll Spinney. Do not reproduce..
Oscar the Grouch is not a bad person, despite what millions of kids big and small may think. Oscar just wants to be left alone. Like Oscar, Gothic Diana Ross just wants her solitude. Just like Maria knocking on Oscar’s can just to ask him nosey questions, Diana’s neighbor Bernadette keeps knocking on the door of the slate Victorian house which she and The Midnight Supremes share.
Can you blame them for getting mad?
A lifelong Diana Ross fan, I appreciate the diva singers most. Back in 2017, a few months after I left a toxic marriage with a communal narcissist, I met another diva online. Because my post-traumatic stress disorder was so raw, I would lash out at people whom triggered me so easily. I had felt like everyone was a narcissist after leaving one. Sadly, I had gotten very upset at a certain gothic diva and I feel bad about it.
Combining my love for music, all things gothic and my friend Caroll Spinney, I created Gothic Diana Ross and The Midnight Supremes as a nod to some of my favourite performers.
Eventually I got to apologize to the gothic singer and felt a lot better.
Writing the conflict scenes between Gothic Diana Ross and her annoying neighbours Peppi and Bernadette “Bern” Moran Cacca feels very cathartic for me. Sonia Manzano (“Maria”) is quoted as having said Caroll playing Oscar “saved a lot on therapy” in the book “Jim Henson: The Works.”
Hopefully my stories will help bring the world a little joy, and I get to leave the world a little better someday far from now when I am gone.
Rest in peace, dearest Caroll Spinney. I miss you.
A wild Manteno entramanure, communal narcadoodle and swamp witch Bernadette “Bern” Moran Cacca emerges from her natural habitat – the bog – hoping for her next meal.
“I lost my watch. Have you seen it? I’m lost without it,” Kankakee bill collector Dale Davis asks Bern.
“That’s MY swamp. Git!” Bern scowls. “Git-git-git!”
As the timid Dale takes off, a certain Peppi Cacca runs toward his wife.
“You’re looking awesome tonight!”
Bernadette lets out a huge fart, Peppi dives into the bog, and answers the call of mating.
Kankakee bill-collector Sybil Kibble bought these turkey snausages for her Thanksgiving dinner thinking they were dog treats. Don’t feed them to your dog. Happy Turkey Day!
Kankakee sociopath, slumlord and dumpster clown Madeline Topolla-Teirant gets a call from a loan shark scamvertising some kind of crap, hoping to take her up on the offer. That heat source, though…
Kankakee mother, squirrel-chaser and school-bus-parts-enthusiast JoAnn Kibble found this stunner of a vehicle at a Manteno dealer, a real steal with only 64K miles! All of Kankakee County will surely hear her coming down the road, and up it, too! Hurry up JoAnn, before Bern Cacca buys it for the farty-horns!
MoronicArts 
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