THE FART LIST: A Farticle by MoronicArts

EZ-Fart:
A fart that comes out of your butt without you even trying. Also known as the Automated Fart.

Smart Fart:
A fart that diguises itself as something else. It could sound like anything from a creaky floor, to a coffeemaker, from the dishwasher, to the loud bass eminating from the neighbour’s car stereo. Usually heard from a distance.

Mart Fart:
You’re standing in a store minding your own business, when suddenly, the person next you rips one. The farter, usually male, often goes by the name “Dad”, “Honey” or “Grandpa.”

Sports Fart: When you’re running around, not thinking about the beans you had for lunch, and a loud ripping sound is heard as you kick, pass, jump or bend over.

Lucky Fart: One that attempts to ruin the would-be farter’s social situation, but forfeits at the last second.
For example: you’re dancing with the object of your desire when you suddenly you feel a bubble form in your colon. You fear the worst as your dancing partner begins to move closer and gyrate their hips, but the fart subsides and finds its way back into your system.

Butt Trumpet/Trumpet Butt Fart: This sour note is pretty self explanatory.

Interactive fart: A fart that causes a chain reaction.
For example: Someone rips one, which causes the dog to bark, which wakes up your mother, which causes an argument, which…

Natural Fart: The kind of fart you hear at a nudist camp. What makes this one unique is the lack of clothing to buffer the sound.

Virtual Fart: Something that sounds like a fart, but isn’t. For example: you squeeze some ketchup, and someone blames you for letting one, even though you swear up and down that it never happened.

Helpful Fart: Just as the name implies.
For example: A fart that scratches an itch in your butt, or one that warms your backside on a cold Winter’s day.

Brought to you by the letters OOOPS:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rp25IImUCP4

Inferior Model Replicants

Behold, the Tyrell Corporation’s inferior model Nexus replicants:

Nexus-1 was their Turd Burglar model. All he could do was steal turds out of unsuspecting people’s toilets.

Nexus-2 had the strength and agility of the Nexus-1, and more skills. However, he lacked focus and was very lazy, spending most of his time trying to pick up women and failing.

Nexus-3, lacked the empathy of previous model replicants. He was built to stay on task and had good focus. However, he gained too much weight from eating burgers and fries at the Los Angeles In-and-Out Burger joints and had to be be retired.

Rosie the Dragon

Meet Rosie. She escaped from the Kankakee petting zoo and snuck into Sybil Kibble’s house to sneak some dog food. Can you blame her? She was hungry.

Happy V-Day From a Couple of Lovebirds!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Sybil Kibble thinks these two budgies should get a room. The TV guy agrees.

Trouble with Kibbles

Sybil Kibble and her mom, JK, love Kankakee so much they hang out in front of the city sign (maybe a little too much). They need a hobby.

Welcome to the Kibble McMansion!

Kankakee bill collector Sybil Kibble was so happy to finally have a visitor at her McMansion, where she rents her basement to her mother JK, only to discover it was just the letter carrier.

Damien Cannot Wait to See his Mother’s Face.

Bourbonnais neckbeard Damien Hurlbutt is buying his mother PJ one of those PeeATon bikes he saw on TV for Christmas. He wants her to lose weight. Isn’t he a real tenderheart?

Damien Exposed

Neckbeard Damien Hurlbutt checks his Mens’ Rights Activists (MRA) social media group for new activity, only to find a feminist posing as one of the guys exposed the entire group’s activity. Sucks to be Damien! Maybe try not being an MRA next time, Mr. Hurlbutt?

Sybil’s Got a Dating Site Match!

Sybil Kibble has matched very closely with this single guy. He drives a Chrysler LeBaron just like Sybil does. They could drive off into the sunset in matching cars. Sybil is going to write to him and ask this do-it-yourselfer if he will eat dog food if she fixes it for him.

https://cheezburger.com/9707781/bill-the-tinder-profile-weve-been-waiting-for