Mack E. Avelli Chief Executive Officer CRASS, LLC 7800 Beverly Blvd Kankakee, IL 60901 (815) 555-MACK
Re: Money Giveaway!
Kankakee, Illinois’ Credit Recovery Associates, (CRASS), LLC is pleased to announce its first annual money giveaway. Its associates will randomly call debtors and give away money instead of asking for them to pay it.
“We here at CRASS would like to give back instead of taking. It makes us feel good to do that.” says CRASS Chief Executive Officer Mack E. Avelli in a statement.
He would also like to wish everyone a Happy April Fool’s Day. Gotcha!
“La di da di daaaaa…” Sybil sings poorly as she logs off the autodialer. She has racked up yet another commission and is in a great mood. “Are you going to help out in the Guys N Gals auction, Sybil?” Clio asks as she hands Ms. Kibble a flyer.
“What’s that about, Clio?” Sybil asks.
“Oh, our Glee Committee came up with it to benefit the Kankakee School District Square Dancing Club. We auction off some of our employees to each other. It is for a great cause. Read the flyer.”
“Hot dog! I’ll be there! Sign me up! Can I go first?” Sybil squeaks.
“We will see. It starts today at 3:30. Employees who volunteer get an hour off,” Clio tells Sybil.
Sybil tosses aside the flyer and pours herself a bowl of dog food for lunch.
A little before 3:30 PM, the CRASS conference room begins to fill. CRASS CEO Mack E. Avelli walks over to the podium and adjusts the microphone.
“Today marks the first annual Guys N Gals auction here at CRASS. Each one of you has an 8.5 by 11 inch piece of card stock with a number printed on one side. When our Accounting Manager, Konrad Teirant calls out a bid, you interested bidders hold up your card. Our first person up for bid is the ever enthusiastic Ms. Sybil Kibble!”
Sybil silently hopes to herself that the ever so suave Dorian wins her.
“Who would like to bid first? Can I get $25?”
The ever so slovenly Dale Davis holds up his card.
Sybil dies a bit inside.
“Can we get $50?”
Mikey Philips from Maintenance holds up his card.
Sybil frowns a bit more.
“Good, we have a couple bids. Let’s get a bidding war going. This is for a great cause. Kankakee Schools, guys. Let’s get $100.00.”
Dale holds up his bid card.
“Great. Can we get “$200?”
Mikey holds up his number.
“How about $400?”
Awkward silence passes for a few seconds.
“$400 going once.”
Sybil gets really nervous, thinking she will have to go home with Mikey. Sybil bites her nails.
“$400 going twice.”
Sybil’s anxiety turns to anger. This totally did not turn out the way she expected. Sybil starts visibly shaking.
Dorian’s card goes up.
“Great! We have $800.00 now.”
Sybil’s heart beats with excitement. Maybe she will get her date with Dorian at last! Now he has to keep the highest bid!
“$800 going once.”
A smirk begins to form across Dorian’s face.
“$800 going twice.”
Dorian’s smirk widens.
“One service worker won by Dorian James! Now Sybil, I am certain you will enjoy doing everything Dorian tells you. Have fun!”
“What? SER-vice? I thought this was a date auction!” Sybil screams.
“This is a service auction, and it is for a great cause, run by the Guys N Gals Glee Club. Now you guys go have fun!” Mr. Avelli tells Sybil.
“I need you to clean my monitor, rearrange my filing system and scrub my fish tank. I am going to keep you busy!” Dorian tells a disappointed Sybil as the two work their way out the door.