Tag: crapApp

Wally Green’s Moronic Art supplies!

~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

Increase your art supply bill without increasing your income thanks to Wally’s patented crapology!

Featuring the loosest caps in Illinois, CrapCaps slip off 10X faster than the leading brands. Your markers and pens will dry out in no time! Then, you can march on over to your corner Wally Green’s to buy some, get some more half off (but never free)!

You will be shouting out colorful words when Wally’s colored pencils break down the middle the very first time you sharpen them!

Wally’s acrylic paints turn to stone in no time!

Do you like surprises?

With Wally Green’s brand spankin’ new algorithm, prices change while you shop, not only in our CrapApp but in our stores too!

If you’re a good-looking girl, Wally’s new Artificial Idiocracy (AI) just might lower the price before you get to the register! If Wally asks you for a date and you turn him down, not only will our prices double, but you risk getting banned from the store!

Download our new CrapApp to shop from home! We don’t care what you look like, if you’re sitting on the crapper or if you’re in your birthday suit. If you forget that it exists, you will hear about it at least 80 times when you call for your prescriptions, because we want to fire as many clerks as we can to bring ourselves bigly profits!

7/5 Very Stable Geniuses (including Wally) think this new pricing game is a gas!

Don’t forget to stock up on Sleevies, Mr. Plopsy Canes and Turd Machines!

Buy one get one half off, but never free!

8-Step Verification!

~ Jen ~ 3 Comments

Do you like having to grab your sleeping phone just so you can get a code to log into a website, for which you have already typed your password and username? (On two separate screens, of course!) How many puzzles have you solved to prove you are really a human, and not a more-human-than-human android? 

Now you can spend hours of fun trying to get a single task done with Wally Green’s new 8-Step Verification CrapApp!

Wally’s 8-Step Verification CrapApp comes pre-loaded on all D-Mobile phones and you can download it for devices you already own! Our phones check to see that the real you really is really really you really, after you’ve already readied your phone already.

First solve the puzzle, then type in the number that’s on your phone. Next, will call you with a six-character alphanumeric code to type in upside down! Draw a figure eight, then enter username. Wait for the spinning cheerio of death, then enter your password. Go order a pizza, wait for delivery, then eat it. 

Ooops! We don’t recognize that password. Please visit your corner Wally Green’s for assistance. If you are single, ask for Wally Green himself! He has already pushed himself away from every single lady at the Gaslight Bar by telling his long-winded yarns and by blowing his 90 decibel air-horn nose.

Buy one, get one half off (but never free)! While you are shopping, be sure to check out the do-it-yourself nasal endoscopy kit and pick up some rolls of half-ply toilet paper!