Basic bill-collector babe Sybil Kibble lives/laughs/loves to fill her Kankakee home with the most boring decor.
Is that a lighthouse or are you just happy to see me? Tour her wannabe McMansion to see her nautical crap — err, you could have done that in the past. She got so bored of it all, she gifted gave it to her mother JoAnn who lives in her basement. JoAnn and her squirrels plays rocket-ship with the pointy wooden trinkety things.
And then there is this Santa Elvis she permanently borrowed from her next-door neighbor and best friend PJ Hurlbutt. Rumor has it, her son Robbie Hurlbutt had got it after it fell off the back of a truck.
Sybil keeps it out all year because she is too lazy to put it away.
“Why take down all my Christmas stuff when Imma just gon’ have to done put it up again next year?” — Sybil Katrina Kibble, Kankakee
“Not more flatulence testing! Stop feeding me corn and send me home!” – Damien Hurlbutt, world’s largest source of natural gas, test subject at Area 51’s Alternative Fuels Division
“I keep circling and circling…I’m getting hangry…gotta be some fresh carrion around here somewhere.” – Carla Moran, Shapeshifting humanoid turkey vulture, Sterile supply technician
“These dog bones are making me constipated! I want a refund!” – Sybil Kibble, bill collector, Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS)
“What are they burning now?” – Gothic Diana Ross, Singer and Vet Tech
Who would want to hang out with this band of fools?
Unlike the real Midwest, where I had lived for five-and-a-half-years, this fictional version is kind of like the dystopian Little Dark Age we’re living in — but goofier.
Although I must say, I would love to hang out with Gothic Diana Ross & The Midnight Supremes. Can you blame me?
“Dog bones, water, washrooms” – Sybil Kibble, Bill Collector, Kankakee
”Life, death and everything in-between” – Gothic Diana Ross, Singer and Vet Tech, Manteno
”Showers, fedoras and food that’s not corn…preferably cheeseburgers and fries…M’lady.“ – Damien Hurlbutt, Area 51 test subject (Formerly of Bourbonnais and Champaign
”Elvis records, blue suede shoes and fine women!” – Robbie Hurlbutt, singer and pharmacy clerk, Kankakee
“Poop, poop and more poop” – Bernadette M. Cacca, entramanure, Manteno
Crapstraps, Turd Machines and Mr. Plopsy Canes. I should know, I invented them myself!” – Wally Green, Pharmacy chain owner, Bradley (Formerly of Deerfield)
I just may have been interviewed on a really cool comedy show called “The Aunty Sochelle Hour-Ish Show” about the Moroniverse and shapeshifting humanoid turkey vultures like Carla Moran. Maybe. Methinks a wee little birdy told me that the star of this show had performed with Second City and at The Comedy Store.
Manteno’s very own bog witch, entramanure and communal narcadoodle Bernadette M Cacca loves her Turd Machines so much, she mounted one on each wall and windowsill.
“Gotta get rid of that Gothic Diana Ross!” — Bernadette Moran Cacca, Manteno
She even guards her basement turd vault, full of craptocoins and Newly Formed Turds (N.F.T.s) with one Turd Machine Deluxe on each side.
Why stop at first names when we can talk about the entire moronic moniker manufacturing process?
After doing port-a-jobs, queen of the plastic throne Bernadette Moran Cacca likes to “Bern” the port-a-poopies in her fireplace after lighting her farts to kindle the BMs. Meanwhile her other half (one of them anyway), Peppi Peter Cacca rolls the port-a-pee into his skunkweed to make it smell extra skunky, much to the chagrin of next-door-neighbors Gothic Diana Ross & The Midnight Supremes.
Robert Roy Gary Hurlbutt‘smother PJ loves to brag about the night her Rotten little Robbie/Elvis impersonator and vulnerable narc was conceived…in Gary, Indiana.
“RRGH!” – Robbie Hurlbutt
Damien Ulysses Hurlbutt was straight up daemonic to his ex-wife Lori. Not anticipating consequences, the communal narcadoodle tried to storm Area 51, only to get captured by the Camo Dudettes and brought into the Alternative Fuels Department for daily flatulence testing. He’s the world’s largest source of natural gas…so…DUH!
Walter Augustine Green has been looking for the magnet to his steel, hoping to impress ladies at The Gaslight Bar with his tall tales of grandeur and playing of the nose air-horn since he cannot carry a tune to save his life…though that doesn’t stop him from trying.
Krispy Münchausen tells even taller tales than Wally, punches co-workers when she doesn’t get her way, and teaches locals how to steal lawn ornaments. She had purposely homeschooled her four kids to isolate them socially and keep them from learning important subjects like science and history, replacing them with Flat Earth yarns and antivaxxer poopaganda. One time she SWATted Gothic Diana Ross along with her sisters — then had the audacity to demand an apology from THEM! She brags about her plans to fly to the Moon to “prove to the world that it’s flatter than a pancake,” those unwillingly in her orbit wish she would take a rocket there and never come back.
MoronicArts 
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