It’s not really hard to impress me. Ask me questions about what music I like, and my favorite hobbies. Ask about MoronicArts, I don’t care.
Sadly, about 95 per cent of interested suitors get this part wrong. How had is to to…you know…try?
Take this rando who slid into my inbox:
For acting like most of the other guys, and then probably complaining to your male friends why you cannot get a partner, I award this dime-a-dozen douche and all others like him Moron of the Week. Try and compensate for your deflated ego. You just got an award, dude!
Happy Hour is anything but happy for the date sitting with Kankakee barfly, wacky inventor and wannabe-ladies-man, Wally Green. Wally tells the pretty lady boring tall tales about his family almost getting the deed to Manhattan until pirates stole it, the time one of the Men In Black pulled up to his car at an Illinois fast-food store, and how he almost made the cut for American Inventor.
Poor Kitty B. She has it bad enough living on the same block as Sybil Kibble and PJ Hurlbutt, dealing with their antics. She had matched with a guy named Dick who had swiped right on OKStupid, only to never hear from him again, like so many other time-wasters. She had said he was cute and all he said was “thank you” in their hour-long video chat.
She feels invisible, having been ghosted by a moron like him.
Kitty is taking a break from Internet dating to work on art and studying for college, meanwhile Dick is busy sliding unsolicited messages into Fakebook inboxes along with gross photos nobody wants.
Bourbonnais neckbeard and narcissist Damien Hurlbutt is happy to finally have a new girlfriend to impress, Miss Rachel Shelley of Detroit. Little can he see the thought bubble next to him, as she dreams about her other lover, Kankakee druggie Leon Peeonne.
Sybil Kibble has matched very closely with this single guy. He drives a Chrysler LeBaron just like Sybil does. They could drive off into the sunset in matching cars. Sybil is going to write to him and ask this do-it-yourselfer if he will eat dog food if she fixes it for him.