Doris Krabalsky is getting frustrated at the lack of interest in her pyramid schemes, despite her best attempt to convince strangers on the street that essential snake oils can cure all the ailments. She heads to a local cafe to read up on marketing tactics so she can hopefully become the bossbabe she wants to be when she grows up someday.
Damien admires his hoard, the love of his life. He is thinking of adding this photo to his PlentyOfFlesh profile, to impress the ladies. Size matters, right?
Sybil went on vacation to the dog food factory in Clinton, Iowa and had the time of her life. She posted these photos to her wall to remember her fun. Enjoy!
Sybil Kibble with her best friend, PJ Hurlbutt, her grumpy neighbor to whom nobody else talks.
Damien and Robbie Hurlbutt: The Hoarder Brothers of Kankakee County. Newly updated Robbie description in Cast of Characters!
Meet their mother, PJ:
Sybil decides that she can make some extra dough by running for a local office.
Since she is too cheap to run political commercials, and too lazy to interact with people for the purpose of handing out political palmcards, she decides to hold a rally at the local civic center.
Visions fill Sybil’s mind of a room full of her supporters; huge red, white and blue signs carried by men and women emblazoned with the text “Vote for Sybil” as the crowd chants and claps in sync. As Sybil envisions her supporters lifting her off her feet to carry her around the room, her fantasy bubble is burst to the solo voice “may I ask a question?”
A young man, one of four people in the entire room, looks to the floor and utters “do you know where the bathroom is?”
Sybil points toward the exit sign and out he goes.
Left with three people, an elderly frail woman, and a fragrant transient couple, Sybil realizes it is five minutes past the hour and needs to start her talk.
“Let’s get this party started, huh?”
Crickets chirp during the awkward silence.
“Heheh…yeah. My name is Sybil Kibble and I am running for sixth ward alderman.”
Giggles erupt from the crowd.
“If I can count on your vote, I will make magic happen for the city. I will not only lower taxes, I will get rid of them entirely! Just think of how much money you and I will save, how much more we will have to buy food, pay our bills!”
“Ms. Kibble may I ask a question?” asked a member of the crowd.
“Not yet. If you vote for me, I will make the people so happy! I will…”
“Ms. Kibble?” he pleaded.
“Can I finish my talk?”
“No. How the heck do you plan on plan on paying for city expenses if you eradicate all taxes?”
“I will do a little dance! Spell out my name! And magic coins will fall from the sky…” Sybil bursted with great enthusiasm.
The crowd erupted with laughter.
It is safe to say that Sybil lost the election that year.
The ironic part of the story, is that the alderman seat was volunteer only. No salary was ever offered. I guess we all know what happens when we assume, huh?
MoronicArts 
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