Meet Priscilla “Pris” Dixon

Wife of Brandon Dixon (owner of Brandon’s Imbecile Machines) and mother to his kids; Pris is highly nosey, butts into strangers’ business, but does not believe in answering to knocks on the public washroom door. Pris works as a Medical Office Assistant for a Kankakee Ears, Nose, and Throat doctor and has a reputation for purposely confusing patients just to confuse and gaslight them. Pris proudly drives a green imbecile machine she bought from Brandon, branded with “You just got passed by a girl” decals.

Pris was raised by wealthy parents who gave her everything she wanted. Pris feels that, because she is a parent, she should cut in line at the cafes and burger joints. She dislikes the childfree by choice and gets her kicks by invalidating their feelings. Pris feels that only parents can make a valid point, and that life does not begin until you become a mother or father.

Pris was arrested once in Chicago for randomly assaulting a disabled woman on a bus whom she did not know. Pris has been known to wind people up out of boredom and is not afraid of anything or anyone.

She’s A Mad, Mad, Woman

Meet Madeline “Madwoman” Topolla-Teirant, wife of CRASS Accounting Chief Konrad “Kon Man” Teirant and mother to his kids.

Madeline met Konrad while drafting up his real estate deeds to ensure no other multiplexes can come to Kankakee. Human Resources Manager and Chief of Security at a low income housing complex, Madeline has a reputation for verbally abusing tenants. The superintendent calls her his “biggest asset”, however the tenants call her other things. Madeline gets her reputation as Madwoman for calling tenants “childish little girls”, literally pointing her fingers and telling them to do their own maintenance.

Madeline loves Nora Roberts novels and spends her free time away from her husband and children, sitting at the local bookstore reading. However, she never spends a penny, putting them all back on the store shelves after she finishes the endings.

More Morons! Meet the Hurlbutts.

Meet the neighbours: Sybil’s favourite, and the other cul-de-sac denizens’ least favourite neighbours, The Hurlbutts.

On the left you see Damien Ulysses Hurlbutt of Bourbannais, IL

He is the 42 year old troglodyte son of Pearl Hurlbutt, Sybil Kibble’s elderly neighbour and best friend.

Damien is divorced because he verbally abused his wife, who he only refers to as “Grimace”. A shopping addict and hoarder, he would rather sleep on the floor and on top of his boxes than buy furniture, though he occasionally sleeps on his bed if he bothers to come in to work. He mops up the lake he creates every time he showers with his moldy socks. Prone to outbursts and wearing socks with his $125.00 sandals, Damien thinks he is a hit with the ladies…If he only knew.

Damien works at the local multiplex’s ticket counter. He offers free movie tickets to local and online young ladies in his feeble attempts to woo them. He snores incredibly loud due to his innattention to his diagnosed sleep apnea. He blocks his sleep doctor’s telephone calls on his flip phone so he can avoid dealing with it.

He loves to sleep and wishes he could sleep more.

In the middle, you see Pearl Jo “PJ” Hurlbutt. She wears the same moo-moo inside and outside the house, every day of the week. She even wore it into her call center job, before she retired.

PJ is known as the neighbourhood grump. Everybody in town knows how demanding she is and tries to dodge her. She only comes around when she wants something.

Sybil thinks PJ is “just swell” and considers PJ her best friend.

On the right you see Robbie Hurlbutt of Kankakee, IL

He is the 39 year old son of Pearl Hurlbutt and brother to Damien.

Robbie is a ladies’ man, Elvis-obsessed and is as bad a hoarder as his brother Damien. He has a room in his apartment just for his record collection. He is 39 and never married; he would rather “make love to the audience” at the Kankakee County karaoke bars.

He is thoroughly convinced he is the reincarnation of Elvis and has an intense fear of being locked in a bathroom.