Kankakee bill-collector who loves eating dog-food Sybil Katrina Kibble had gone all the way to Chillicothe to buy herself a sit down model lawnmower because the hardware shop was back-ordered. She left her lawn sprinkler running, too lazy to care about water conservation.
She got to the race, mad as heck because it is a push mower race!
Too lazy to drive, Sybil wished to hang glide back to Chillocothe. However, she could not fly because she was too scared. This idea never got off the ground.
Meanwhile, Sybil’s spit machine went awry, flooding her entire lawn and Kitty Bee’s too!
Sybil lost the lawnmower race because whe was too loopy from inhaling helium.
And then she got chased by a swarm of angry bees! Woe is Sybil.
Off to compete in Fire Truck racing with her Ma JoAnn! Ooh, what fun!!! See you later!
Shady Bourbonnais neckbeard and communal narcissist Damien Hurlbutt went dumpster diving the morning after he and his part-time lover from Detroit, Rachel Shelley, got into a bitter fight and she threw some of his hoarded items into the dumpster.
“Dumpster! Dumpster! Dumpster!” Rachel cried as she chucked Damien’s hoard into the metal hopper outside his apartment.
As Damien dug for the treasures he loved more than his woman, little did he notice the danger lurking behind him.
We want to TP everyone in Kankakee! On April 1st, come over to the headquarters of CRASS and get the scoop on poop! One brand spankin’ new roll for each customer! If you use both sides, it lasts twice as long!
Act now, before you get the runs, I mean we run out!
Damien Hurlbutt took this photo of his feet to put on his OKStupid dating ad, because he thinks it will really impress the single ladies out there. Damien thinks he his feet are really impressive. Damien feels he is a foot expert, as he really likes feet and looks at a lot of them. He records barefoot women on the home shopping channels just to watch their feet over and over again.
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