Two-timing Rachel Shelley came over from Detroit to meet her OKStupid lover, Damien Hurlbutt, only to cheat on him with Kankakee heroin addict and useless hoser Leon Peeonne.
Cinema clerk, neckbeard, and communal narcissist Damien continues to leave “M’lady” messages from his flip phone. He thinks he is going to win because he is such a “tenderheart” and “an old soul.”
Kankakee bill-collector who loves eating dog-food Sybil Katrina Kibble had gone all the way to Chillicothe to buy herself a sit down model lawnmower because the hardware shop was back-ordered. She left her lawn sprinkler running, too lazy to care about water conservation.
She got to the race, mad as heck because it is a push mower race!
Too lazy to drive, Sybil wished to hang glide back to Chillocothe. However, she could not fly because she was too scared. This idea never got off the ground.
Meanwhile, Sybil’s spit machine went awry, flooding her entire lawn and Kitty Bee’s too!
Sybil lost the lawnmower race because whe was too loopy from inhaling helium.
And then she got chased by a swarm of angry bees! Woe is Sybil.
Off to compete in Fire Truck racing with her Ma JoAnn! Ooh, what fun!!! See you later!
Dysfunctional family portrait starring the Hurlbutts: Robbie, PJ and Damien. Merry Christmas from Kankakee County!
Shady Bourbonnais neckbeard and communal narcissist Damien Hurlbutt went dumpster diving the morning after he and his part-time lover from Detroit, Rachel Shelley, got into a bitter fight and she threw some of his hoarded items into the dumpster.
“Dumpster! Dumpster! Dumpster!” Rachel cried as she chucked Damien’s hoard into the metal hopper outside his apartment.
As Damien dug for the treasures he loved more than his woman, little did he notice the danger lurking behind him.
Barfly, wacky inventor and wannabe ladies’ man Wally Green cannot wait to hit on the pretty lady Kitty Bortolotti walking by…
We want to TP everyone in Kankakee! On April 1st, come over to the headquarters of CRASS and get the scoop on poop! One brand spankin’ new roll for each customer! If you use both sides, it lasts twice as long!
Act now, before you get the runs, I mean we run out!
CRASS Chief Executive Officer
Mack E. Avelli
https://www.facebook.com/crassllc
PS: April Fools!
PPS: Buy Sybil and Jen a ko-fi!
Kankakee Bill Collector Sybil Kibble cannot wait to take her break doubling down on debtors so she can have a snack. Yum!
Damien Hurlbutt took this photo of his feet to put on his OKStupid dating ad, because he thinks it will really impress the single ladies out there. Damien thinks he his feet are really impressive. Damien feels he is a foot expert, as he really likes feet and looks at a lot of them. He records barefoot women on the home shopping channels just to watch their feet over and over again.
MoronicArts 
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