Tag: KaCo
Somebirdy Needs Better Hobbies.
“Why are you wearing THAT? What is that thing in your nose? That looks awful!” a creepy – yet familiar – voice echoes throughout the the eaves of Gothic Diana Ross & The Midnight Supremes’ Manteno home, annoying the poor ladies who are just sitting down on their patent leather chairs minding their own business. Their stalker is back.
Wanting to find the source of their pest, the trio of slender black beauties climb atop the roof of their slate Gothic Victorian mansion, and briefly take in the view of their town. Illinois is full of small towns. This is one of them.
“Why is that stupid vulture asking us dumb questions and pooping all over her claws?” Gothic Diana Ross asks her bandmates about the bird trespassing on their grass.
“It flew into our wall today. Twice.” Gothic Mary deadpans.
A large nest is spotted, hidden inside one of the spires.
The shapeshifting humanoid turkey vulture hurls more insults at the talented sisters.
“Your hair is full of rats’ nests! You need a wax! When’s the last time you had a shower?”
“That looks like Bernadette’s mom!” Gothic Flo tells the Ross siblings.
Gothic Diana has had enough. She looks Carla Rachella Amanda Medici Moran dead in the eye, only for the stupid bird to go into defensive mode. Carla pukes up all over the Ross sisters’ lawn. Feeling egged on, Mrs. Moran tries to make herself look bigger by extending and flapping her wings as if they were fists ready for a fight. She looks like a confused chicken.
“Here’s your rat’s nest!” Gothic Flo says as she chucks Carla’s second home clear across Kant Street into next Tuesday. The ladies don’t like squatters.
Carla flies up onto the roof, and starts making demands. She clearly has no concept of boundaries.
“NOW I CAME HERE TO TEACH YOU GUYS A LESSON! SEE WHAT YOU DID? NOW I DON’T HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE. YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME AND RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!”
“I’ll show you respect!” Gothic Diana Ross knocks the angry bird straight into the ground with a single punch, Carla’s long, pointy beak stuck straight into the grass. The inverted bird’s long, dark tail sticks straight up with her cloaca for all the neighbors to see.
The ladies share a deep belly laugh, and beckon their next-door-neighbor, the equally moronic Bernadette Moran Cacca to pick up her mother.
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8-Step Verification!
Do you like having to grab your sleeping phone just so you can get a code to log into a website, for which you have already typed your password and username? (On two separate screens, of course!) How many puzzles have you solved to prove you are really a human, and not a more-human-than-human android?
Now you can spend hours of fun trying to get a single task done with Wally Green’s new 8-Step Verification CrapApp!
Wally’s 8-Step Verification CrapApp comes pre-loaded on all D-Mobile phones and you can download it for devices you already own! Our phones check to see that the real you really is really really you really, after you’ve already readied your phone already.
First solve the puzzle, then type in the number that’s on your phone. Next, will call you with a six-character alphanumeric code to type in upside down! Draw a figure eight, then enter username. Wait for the spinning cheerio of death, then enter your password. Go order a pizza, wait for delivery, then eat it.
Ooops! We don’t recognize that password. Please visit your corner Wally Green’s for assistance. If you are single, ask for Wally Green himself! He has already pushed himself away from every single lady at the Gaslight Bar by telling his long-winded yarns and by blowing his 90 decibel air-horn nose.
Buy one, get one half off (but never free)! While you are shopping, be sure to check out the do-it-yourself nasal endoscopy kit and pick up some rolls of half-ply toilet paper!
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For The Last Time…
I don’t want your CrappApp!
Sybil Kibble nearly punches in her laptop, after having been bombarded way too many times from the glaring poop-up ads, blasted out the bum of her email site.
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Dale Holds His Pants…
Poor Dale. They closed the men’s washrooms at Cinema-13 in Bourbonnais, and he has to go realllly badly after drinking all that overpriced pop. After 20 minutes waiting outside the only family stall, he begins to grumble: “What did they do, fall in?”
Tiny twin sister act The Favorites continue talking amongst themselves, flushing repeatedly to make it sound like they need to use the facilities for something other than wasting the time of the pained folks waiting outside in line, Dale’s pants dropping from his legs wiggling. Those little turds.
MoronicArts 
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