Some people reading this silly story blog in their washroom might be wondering why these fictional fools live in Kankakee County. Maybe you are one of them. Who knows, maybe you’re reading this very story while pinching a loaf in Manteno.

Back in ancient history, I had lived in Illinois, before moving back home to Oneida County in Upstate New York. No, not the big city with the subways and the Muppets who live at 123 Sesame Street. See, I live in Utica, we never use the phrase “Steamed Hams.”

Living in a literal meme reminds me a lot of spending time in Kankakee County, but our town names back home are not nearly as cool. These fake stories about pretend morons are inspired by a lot of people from the Utica area, plus some living in the middle of a cornfield.

I like Kankakee County. I like Oneida County. Finding the elephant taking a dump in the room and then laughing while it eats its own dung is how I roll.