Hell’s In-Processing Clerk Asks Satan for a Raise

“I have been working for 666 weeks now. Can I get a raise?” Hell’s intake clerk Lucy Furr asks her boss, Satan.

“No.”

“I work harder than anybody here. I do 80 per cent of the work. I can run circles around the other damned people.”

“We provide you shelter with free heat. That is sufficient.”

“How much longer do I have to work? I am gonna quit if you don’t give me a raise.”

“You are here for all of eternity. According to your records, you had been assigned here because you had behaved like a bully your entire life. You were harassing an autistic person on their trip to Italy, tag teaming with your cousin Terry. And you had continued to bully that same person, plus scores of others at the cancer center where you had worked the check-out desk.”

“I don’t care. Get me outta here.”

“That’s not my decision. I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them. Now get back to work, or I will order you to the jagged rocks and bubbling excrement room,” Satan orders his subordinate Lucy.

Lucy Furr Visits Hell’s Coffeehouse

Image: Full color cartoon of a coffeehouse. A large woman wearing a pink outfit can be seen in the foreground, and a green ogre behind the coffee bar.
text reads "Level 9 Hell. Hell's Cafe."

During her 99-hour shift, Hell’s in-processing clerk Lucy Furr heads down to the 9th Circle to grab some joe so she can stay awake. “I would like an extra large latte with Irish Cream” Lucy tells the barista.

“We do not have Irish Cream” the barista advises Lucy.

“Okay, I’ll get an iced red-eye with extra shots.”

“Don’t you know where we are? We don’t served iced coffees.”

“Oh. Can I just get a cup of whatever you have? And make it fast. I need to go back to work.”

“We don’t serve coffee in Hell.”

“Then, what do you serve?” an angered Lucy asks the ogre working the counter.

“Misery. Satan put up this pretend coffeehouse to fake out the damned.”

Welcome to Hell

Kankakee pyramid schemer Doris Krabalsky and Bourbonnais narcissist Damien Hurlbutt both arrive at Hell’s in-processing department at the same time. “Sign the register” says Hell’s in-processing clerk and former Medical Office Assistant, Lucy Furr, who was notorious for bullying her roommate on their college trip to Italy. Meanwhile, Doris and Damien try to take over.

Behind the Moroniverse – Early concept art plus new characters!

Damien Hurlbutt’s birthday is coming up on August 10th. To celebrate his birthday, I would like to share some early concept drawings of him and other morons.

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Below is an early character design for an unnamed Dale Davis.

The next few drawings I created early on for a previous series which I merged into MoronicArts. Look for them in my forthcoming novel.