Wally Green and the Turd Machine

Wacky Kankakee inventor and pharmacy chain owner Wally Green is busy hosting his live infomercial advertising his newest invention, the Turd Machine: “Just turn the crank, and shoot the stank! But wait there’s more!”

Bernadette Cacca, part-owner of Peppi’s Portopotties, interrupts his broadcast to deliver an important message.

Silly Billy Sybil

Kankakee debt collector and big moron Sybil Kibble went up to Chicago this past Monday. She visited the LaSalle Street Buckstars where Damien Hurlbutt got kicked out a few months ago for going batty on the staff when they politely asked him to wear a mask.

Thankfully, Damien was not inside. However, the barista making Sybil’s drink misspelled her name.

Robbie Hurlbutt Thinks Gothic Diana is Supreme!

Gothic Diana Ross, lead singer of the Kankakee band The Midnight Supremes, cancelled her cross-county tour due to the coronavirus pandemic. Since Kankakee pharmacy clerk, disco king and Elvis impersonator Robbie Hurlbutt cannot stalk his number one crush in person, he kisses her new poster instead.

Gothic Diana Ross, a goth Diana Ross impersonator, poses with her cape flowing behind her.