Sybil Kibble unveils the new “Enigma” computers for her debt collection team. “How do you get on the Internet?” asks a quizzical Dale Davis. “Just type “INTERNET” and then “RUN.” “How do you load the Collect-o-matic 2000?” a wary Judy Avelli asks. “Just hook the machine up to a parakeet cage and type away.”
Konrad “Kon” Teirant, CRASS Chief of Accounting is a piece of work. You may not be surprised that the main person on whom I base him is pretty messed up.
When I was a high school graduate, all of 17, I worked a total of two days at a drive-in movie theater (yes, we still had one). The first day, I did really well and my supervisor really liked me. I was happy to have a job, even in the horribly run-down concession stand. Don’t ask me about the bathrooms.
The next day, in comes the owner. He could not be more miserable. He could not wait to complain how he thought every little thing I did was wrong: “Fill those popcorn bags. Fill them more. Does that look full?”
This tyrant let me go and never paid me.
He owns a chain of theaters across my area. I saw him a few years later in a restaurant gloating about getting “big bags” and how he was flown down to Georgia by Lord only know who, and “given an Armani suit.”
Below is a very early idea for this character, orignally named King Tyrant, circa 2003.
Kankakee bill collector and dog food enthusiast Sybil Kibble wants to double down on debt but her debtor isn’t buying it.
Join the Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS) and MoronicArts fanpage on Facebook!
Damien harasses his ex wife Lori on the 10 year anniversary of his lame showoff proposal to her, even though she is long gone, having left him because of his love fraud and narcissistic abuse. He downvotes all her Utube videos even though she blocked him all social media, as a glitch still allows blocked users to downvote. Damien clearly needs a hobby.
Detroit’s Rachel Shelley gets into a huge fight with her lover and fellow narcissistic sociopath Damien Hurlbutt. She is tired of hearing him complain about his ex-wife.
Rachel chucks a bunch of Damien’s hoard into the dumpster while he is out at work.
She leaves him for her side piece, Kankakee heroin addict and loser Leon Peeonne. She has had enough.
Damien downvotes Rachel’s and Leon’s videos on Utube while he is sitting behind the counter at work, thinking nobody is looking. In walks his supervisor, Konrad Teirant, theater owner, who suspends Damien for a week.
Damien comes home in the middle of the night after working the late night shift at the theater to discover all the things he loved more than Rachel, Star Wars toys, Muppet coloring books, $35 ornaments, $75 toys, $600 figures — gone. He jiggles every single door repeatedly to check for home invaders, nothing. He calls out for Rachel. No reply. Damien walks past the remaining boxes in his neckbeard nest, mostly empty — save for a few towels, ratty graphic tees and unused pots and pans — and discovers that Rachel has left with all her belongings. Then it hits him.
Damien heads out to the dumpster outside his apartment and dives in, digging for his lost treasures. He throws a few boxes overboard. Damien continues to dig. Meanwhile a sound is heard in the background:
Shady Bourbonnais neckbeard and narcissistic sociopath Damien Hurlbutt went dumpster diving the morning after he and his part time lover from Detroit, Rachel Shelley, got into a bitter fight and she threw some of his hoarded items into the dumpster. As Damien dug for the treasures he loved more than his woman, little did he notice the danger lurking behind him.
Owned by Kankakee barfly and inventor of useless crap Mr. Walter Augustine Green, these stores are best known for the overstaffing of their sales floors and the understaffing of their pharmacies. Find Wally’s wacky wares in a store near you!
“He’s a Replicant.” — Deckard
There’s not an incinerator big enough for all this spam. Mmmmmm…roasted spam, in a can.
and CRASS, where Sybil works. 😀