Wacky Kankakee inventor Wally Green is just kicking himself for not having thought of this invention first. Just think of all the money he could have made from selling them in Wally Green’s Drugstores! Could the special pet person in your life use a Pet Petter?
Tag: morons
The Card From Damien H.
Neckbeard narcissist Damien Hurlbutt tried really hard to impress his former wife, Lori, while they were married and living in Champaign. Just look at this birthday card he gave her one year! What do you think?
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Birthday Greetings to Sybil Kibble!
Rock on!
Oh my, Kankakee Elvis impersonator Robbie Hurlbutt only wishes he could be one iota as good as these guys!
“You are what you eat”
— Rammstein
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Damien is Sure Hot…
She has the skills that pay the bills, alright
Kankakee Bill Collector Sybil Kibble cannot wait to take her break doubling down on debtors so she can have a snack. Yum!
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Damien is Number One Alright
Bourbonnais, Illinois narcissist and fedora-sporting neckbeard Damien Hurlbutt, nortorious for writing his lunacy letters, posted this new picture to his dating ad on Tindling. What do you think?
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She’s A Mad, Mad, Woman
Meet Madeline “Madwoman” Topolla-Teirant, wife of CRASS Accounting Chief Konrad “Kon Man” Teirant and mother to his kids.
Madeline met Konrad while drafting up his real estate deeds to ensure no other multiplexes can come to Kankakee. Human Resources Manager and Chief of Security at a low income housing complex, Madeline has a reputation for verbally abusing tenants. The superintendent calls her his “biggest asset”, however the tenants call her other things. Madeline gets her reputation as Madwoman for calling tenants “childish little girls”, literally pointing her fingers and telling them to do their own maintenance.
Madeline loves Nora Roberts novels and spends her free time away from her husband and children, sitting at the local bookstore reading. However, she never spends a penny, putting them all back on the store shelves after she finishes the endings.
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Wally Green Looks For Love in All The Wrong Places
Barfly, pharmacy owner and wacky inventor Wally Green looks for the magnet to his steel in the want ads since no fine ladies are at the bar to hit on.
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Damien’s High Fashion
Damien Hurlbutt took this photo of his feet to put on his OKStupid dating ad, because he thinks it will really impress the single ladies out there. Damien thinks he his feet are really impressive. Damien feels he is a foot expert, as he really likes feet and looks at a lot of them. He records barefoot women on the home shopping channels just to watch their feet over and over again.
MoronicArts 
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