She likes big bucks and I cannot lie.
Tag: one minute read
Sybil Kibble Trims Her Christmas Tree
It is that wonderful time of the year. Kankakee bill-collector Sybil Kibble enjoys eating dog food almost as much as she loves bothering strangers probably eating something else to ask for money. To celebrate the things she loves, Sybil decorates her Christmas tree with dog bones with the high hope that Santa brings her money for being a good lil debt collector. Do you think Sybil is on Santa’s good list or naughty list?
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A La Knuckle Sandwiches
Gothic Diana Ross, leader of the Manteno-based cover group The Midnight Supremes, is getting tired of her next-door neighbor Bernadette Cacca peeling out of her driveway, blasting her accordion, and stinking up the air by burning poopies. Diana wants to have a word with Bernadette, who is polishing her wall-mounted Turd Machine, and walks over after she finishes making her poo-shooter shine.
“You have a very punchable face.” Gothic Diana Ross tells Bernadette.
“I have a beautiful face? Aww, thanks. I get that a lot.”
“A punchable face you dipstick. Come here, I’ll give you a knuckle sandwich.”
“Thanks! I love to eat!” a wide-eyed Bernadette exclaims with glee, mouth hanging open until she gets punched by Miss Ross.
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Hurlbutt Holiday Cheer, 1990
Back in 1990, the Hurlbutts posed for a family photo. N. Ron shied away from the camera and slid into the shadows, meanwhile the elder child Damien pranked his brother Robbie. Matriarch Pearl Jo “PJ” stared off into the camera, and of course complained to the studio manager about the prints when she got them. They put the fun in DysFUNction.
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Be Careful What You Wish For, Lucy Furr
Lucy Furr, who had bullied an autistic student on their trip to Italy, is tired of working as Hell’s in-processing clerk. “Just sign the register” Lucy tells the newly damned who try and take over. All she wants to do is hand them pamphlets, and the regulations manual. “I wish I could clone myself” the adult bully says at her post. Lucy gets her wish.
Have fun!
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Back Into the Bog
How would it sound if undead Greg and Bog-witch Bernadette made a food baby together?
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No Dale, That’s MY Swamp!
A wild Manteno entramanure, communal narcadoodle and swamp witch Bernadette “Bern” Moran Cacca emerges from her natural habitat – the bog – hoping for her next meal.
“I lost my watch. Have you seen it? I’m lost without it,” Kankakee bill collector Dale Davis asks Bern.
“That’s MY swamp. Git!” Bern scowls. “Git-git-git!”
As the timid Dale takes off, a certain Peppi Cacca runs toward his wife.
“You’re looking awesome tonight!”
Bernadette lets out a huge fart, Peppi dives into the bog, and answers the call of mating.
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New dog treats?
Kankakee bill-collector Sybil Kibble bought these turkey snausages for her Thanksgiving dinner thinking they were dog treats. Don’t feed them to your dog. Happy Turkey Day!
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64K Ought To Be Enough
Kankakee mother, squirrel-chaser and school-bus-parts-enthusiast JoAnn Kibble found this stunner of a vehicle at a Manteno dealer, a real steal with only 64K miles! All of Kankakee County will surely hear her coming down the road, and up it, too! Hurry up JoAnn, before Bern Cacca buys it for the farty-horns!
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Dale Holds His Pants…
Poor Dale. They closed the men’s washrooms at Cinema-13 in Bourbonnais, and he has to go realllly badly after drinking all that overpriced pop. After 20 minutes waiting outside the only family stall, he begins to grumble: “What did they do, fall in?”
Tiny twin sister act The Favorites continue talking amongst themselves, flushing repeatedly to make it sound like they need to use the facilities for something other than wasting the time of the pained folks waiting outside in line, Dale’s pants dropping from his legs wiggling. Those little turds.
MoronicArts 
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