Hurlbutt Holiday Cheer

December 17, 2021 ~ Jen ~ 1 Comment

Dysfunctional family portrait starring the Hurlbutts: Robbie, PJ and Damien. Merry Christmas from Kankakee County!

I’m On Every Channel!

December 3, 2021December 3, 2021 ~ Jen ~ 4 Comments

Manteno moron, port-o-dump proprietor and attention-seeker Bern Cacca is in awe of herself as she watches the televisions at the electronics store. This commercial advertising her and her Peppi Cacca rap about doing their business at Peppi’s Portapotties is displaying on all screens at once. A sales clerk approaches the mesmerized Bernadette, only to get brushed off. So in love with her own image, Bern fails to reflect upon the fact that she is only on TV because she paid to advertise.

Breaking News: Secret of the Lost Socks Solved!

November 21, 2021November 21, 2021 ~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

A Kankakee, Illinois bill collector and dog-food enthusiast discovered the secret entrance to the sock void in her dryer,

“I went looking for that last sock, and found it just barely hanging on. Thankfully it escaped the force of the black hole and I saved it from eternal doom,” Sybil Kibble told MoronicArts.

This groundbreaking scientific discovery will certainly help laundry-doers across the globe. More research is needed to figure out how that void got there in the first place.

Hunka Cheese

October 28, 2021 ~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

Kankakee Elvis impersonator Robbie Hurlbutt — who believes he is the reincarnation of Elvis Presley — is number one in his own bathroom. Don’t lock him in.

Sybil and JoAnn Kibble Walked into a Craft Store

October 26, 2021October 24, 2021 ~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

Kankakee bill collector and dog-food connoisseur Sybil Kibble and her mother JoAnn Kibble walked into a craft store looking for “Live, Laugh, Love” decor and fake plastic squirrels. Before they made their way through the check-out labyrinth, they had some fun in the alphabet section.

School Bus Party

October 7, 2021 ~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

“School bus parts! Sybil, let’s pull over and get some of those!” JoAnn Kibble exclaims to her daughter Sybil as she drives past a school.

“It says School Bus Parking, silly” Sybil corrects tells her ma.

“School bus party?

“Parking!” Sybil screams.

“Oh darn.”

Bern in Hell

August 11, 2021August 7, 2021 ~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

A few years from now, Communal narcissist and poopyburner Bern Cacca, who wanted to be everybody’s friend, but only to use them finds herself forced out of Manteno and into the pits of Hell.

“Satan, why am I here?”

“Because you’re evil, Bern.”

“But I did all those favors! I played accordion for the Optimal Club! I gave people rides! I–“

“Did you do those things to help, or to make yourself look good?”

“Uhhh…”

“And how many times did you admit you did something wrong. Count them. I will wait. So will my visiting intern Gothic Diana Ross. She will take you to your cell. Do you prefer jagged rocks or bubbling excrement?”