Wally Green Bores His Date

An older man boring his younger date at a bar table.

Happy Hour is anything but happy for the date sitting with Kankakee barfly, wacky inventor and wannabe-ladies-man, Wally Green. Wally tells the pretty lady boring tall tales about his family almost getting the deed to Manhattan until pirates stole it, the time one of the Men In Black pulled up to his car at an Illinois fast-food store, and how he almost made the cut for American Inventor.

Lucy Furr Visits Hell’s Coffeehouse

Image: Full color cartoon of a coffeehouse. A large woman wearing a pink outfit can be seen in the foreground, and a green ogre behind the coffee bar.
text reads "Level 9 Hell. Hell's Cafe."

During her 99-hour shift, Hell’s in-processing clerk Lucy Furr heads down to the 9th Circle to grab some joe so she can stay awake. “I would like an extra large latte with Irish Cream” Lucy tells the barista.

“We do not have Irish Cream” the barista advises Lucy.

“Okay, I’ll get an iced red-eye with extra shots.”

“Don’t you know where we are? We don’t served iced coffees.”

“Oh. Can I just get a cup of whatever you have? And make it fast. I need to go back to work.”

“We don’t serve coffee in Hell.”

“Then, what do you serve?” an angered Lucy asks the ogre working the counter.

“Misery. Satan put up this pretend coffeehouse to fake out the damned.”

Sybil Kibble’s Snack Savings

Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS), LLC buys up useless debt like they do penny stocks. The face of bill collector extraordinaire and dog food connoisseur Sybil Kibble lit up, grinning ear-to-ear when she got this coupon in the mail at her Kankakee McMansion. She bought them to have on her lunch break from interrupting the meals of strangers begging for money whether or not they owe it. Bone Appetit!