Houdini — The mobile phone that disappears into a new dimension whenever you look for it! You can only find the new Houdini when you are not looking for it. Look for the Houdini at a retailer near you, if you can find it!
KillJoy — The only mp3 player that changes tunes when it wants to, not you! Press its magic buttons and only guess what it may do. Maybe it will shut off, maybe it will switch functions, maybe nothing at all! The KillJoy mp3 player has also been known to steal souls. Use at your own risk.
Mr. Plopsy — This quad cane has a mind of its own! Built with four prongs at the bottom, your new cane will entertain for hours when it wibble-wobbles, then plops! Why get a stable cane when you can get Mr. Plopsy?
– Tell them that person doesn’t live there anymore. Give them the number of an adult service and tell them that it is their new number.
– Tell them that you’re not there right now.
– Ask them if they accept coupons.
– Start selling them something else.
– If someone calls soliciting donations, tell them you’re poor and ask for money instead.
– Start preaching your religion to them.
– Pretend you’re a recording and say “The number you have reached is not in service. Please check the number and dial again, or talk to your operator for assistance. Recording A4.” Extra points for imitating the 3 rising tones at the beginning.
– Try to hypnotise the caller.
– Play a recording of a busy signal.
– Put on some really annoying music and put your phone up to the stereo.
– Ask the caller if they are single. Then try hitting on them. Be sure to mention your various medical problems, your fascination with odd smells and your shrine to the Lawrence Welk Show.
– Use a voice changer to disguise your voice.
– Rap all your replies to the caller’s questions.
– Ask the caller if they mind if you talk to them on the toilet. Then take a plastic Heinz ketchup bottle and squeeze out ketchup repeatedly. (If you’ve ever used this kind of ketchup, you’ll know what kind of sound this makes!!!!!)
– Speak in ragga chant.
– Try to rhyme with everything the caller says.
– Tell the caller that the person they are trying to reach is a victim of black magic and was turned into a poodle.
– Tell the caller that the person they are trying to reach has passed away, and that you’re the ghost of them.
– Sell them on the “value of high colonics”. Explain your “dedication to good health” in your most convincing, passionate voice.
See where this listicle was referenced by Kirk Cameron and his buddy Ray Comfort!
Doris Krabalsky is getting frustrated at the lack of interest in her pyramid schemes, despite her best attempt to convince strangers on the street that essential snake oils can cure all the ailments. She heads to a local cafe to read up on marketing tactics so she can hopefully become the bossbabe she wants to be when she grows up someday.
MoronicArts 
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