Shapeshifting humanoid turkey vultures like Carla and Sonya Moran spend way too much time ruffling feathers and pecking at people. They also poop wherever they want. 0/10 would not pet.
Not these shapeshifting humanoid turkey vultures
Tag: shapeshifter
I would create my own dictatorship: Carla Moran
Shapeshifting humanoid turkey vulture, sterile supply technician and self-righteous narcadoodle Carla Moran is in one of her daily foul moods, plotting out loud her newest grandiose idea.
“In my kingdom, they won’t know how good they’ve got it. Rules are important and I will make sure everybody follows them:
“We will only have one language, English, because I don’t understand any others nor do I care to learn.
All cars will be silver, no exceptions, no decals either.
Everybody will be required to brush their teeth four times a day, use a water pick and report back to me.
Want to see a therapist? Good. All sessions will be recorded and sent to me to make sure you’re not complaining about the supreme leader. It’s MY kingdom, MY RULES.
Everybody will be required to wax the hair off their face. No exceptions.
Only baggy clothes will be worn by everyone.
People will only be allowed to collect practical things and read non-fiction.
We will have three national TV channels, nothing else: HGTV, Fox News and baseball.
Nobody will be allowed to wear underwear or stick their tongues out. In my world–“
“Lady, this is a handicapped spot.”
“I’m only gonna be here for a minute! Calm down!” Carla remarks to the traffic cop out her car window.
“Move your vehicle now or I’m writing you a citation.”
Carla slams her beak on the horn and peels away from the Bradley strip mall, then flies down I-57 hoping to not get caught because in her insecure little bird-brain nothing she does is ever wrong.
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Have an offal good birthday, Carla Moran!
Carla Moran’s wish list.
The Moroniverse wishes the Midwestern sterile supply clerk, shapeshifting humanoid turkey vulture and self-righteous narcadoodle known as Carla Moran a very happy hatch day! We hope you and your flock have your carrion/steak meatballs, and burp them up too. Yum!
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Moronic Munchies
“Anything that gives me good poops so I can burn them later”
– Bern M. Cacca, Bog witch and port-a-potty empress
“Carrion usually, but I will fly great distances to get the best filet mignon.”
– Carla Moran, Shapeshifting humanoid turkey vulture and sterile supply technician
I wanna suck your blood…I mean eat some rabbit pellets. They come out the same way they go in. Whatever you do, keep the garlic away. If you lie and tell me there’s no garlic in your blood I’ll know cuz I have ESP and PMS. I’m a witch who knows it ALL. You can have that one for free. Next customer!
– Missy Rabbit, Psychic Vampyre
“Dog food, any kind, but I prefer Alpo.. Never Brand X though, I can’t stand Elon Musk.”
– Sybil Kibble, Debt collector
“Anything but corn”
– Damien Ulysses Hurlbutt, Area 51 test subject
“We’re all carnivores”
– Tomato Karen & The Haggs
“Brains, brains, branes, braiiiiinnnnz…or poopies.”
– Undead Greg Schneissder
MoronicArts 
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