Tag: short story

Can I Talk To Sybil? I’m at the Beach.

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A black-and-white image of two people on a video conference.

Kankakee bill collector Sybil Kibble and I had trouble connecting over Zuum, so she went to her local PetMart to buy some dog-food dinner.

Since her favorite — Alpo — was not on sale, she bought this doggie doobie hoping to get high.

Sybil did not get the buzz she wanted after working a long, hard day interrupting strangers’ meals, so she gave it to her ma JoAnn who rents her basement, because JoAnn loves squirrel-watching. What a doozy.

A colour photograph of a squirrel-shaped dog toy. Text reads: "Dog toys and treats crafted with naturally calming doggnip".

[ EYES ONLY: What’s a virtual tip jar? Find out here. Or just look at stuff, that’s okay too. ]

Madeline, You Tried.

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Black text on a white background reading "All RESIDNTS…A vacancy exists on the Board of Commissioner position…"
Property Manager, traveling clown, and overt narcissist Madeline Topolla-Teirant wants all the “residnts” to know there exists a vacancy on the “Board of Commissioner position” at Kankakee’s Best Low-Budget Apartments. Right.

A Dale and a Dream

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A black-and-white cartoon of a middle aged man sitting in his kitchen, scratching lottery tickets.

CRASS debt collector Dale Davis finally got his economic stimulus check, so he made a big donation to the Illinois State Lottery.

Bernadette’s New Bop

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Manteno communal narcissist and poopy-burner Bernadette Cacca just discovered her new favorite tune. Maybe she will perform it live for charity on accordion.

Peppi’s Portopotties Drops Their New Rap Track.

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An old man raps while his middle-aged wife plays accordion outside a building in Manteno, Illinois.

Manteno sociopath Peppi Cacca and his communal narcissist wife Bernadette wish to advertise their business Peppi’s Portopotties on television. Bernadette plays accordion while her husband raps about how they are king and queen of the throne. Look for their new track on AudioCumulus.

Oh Snap, My Dealer!

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Kankakee County karaoke king, poor Elvis impersonator and covert narcissist Robbie Hurlbutt was so happy to finally get some people at one of his many gigs. Robbie believes in quantity over quality, or staying “prolific”, as Robbie says. Too bad his speedball dealer showed up.

Happy Singles Appreciation Day!

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Happy Singles Awareness Day from the crew at MoronicArts!

Why be alone, when you could be with Damien, president of the Bourbonnais Mens’ Rights Activists Club?

Live From Her McMansion, It’s Sybil Kibble!

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Have you always wanted a life-size Sybil Kibble Barbie doll? Neither did we. Be sure to call in now before they run out!

Madeline Clowns Around

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Kankakee slumlord, cheapskate and overt narcissist Madeline Topolla-Teirant is trying to get her life back in balance during her Moronic Half-Assets (MHA) cross-country tour, coming soon to Utica, New York!

Fat clown balances on a ball while juggling, falls off

Wally Green’s Early Concept Designs

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At age 12, Kankakee inventor of useless crap and future drugstore owner put on his thinking cap to draw up some rather…interesting concept sketches for an invention he started selling on late night TV. Yeah.