Increase your art supply bill without increasing your income thanks to Wally’s patented crapology!

Featuring the loosest caps in Illinois, CrapCaps slip off 10X faster than the leading brands. Your markers and pens will dry out in no time! Then, you can march on over to your corner Wally Green’s to buy some, get some more half off (but never free)!

You will be shouting out colorful words when Wally’s colored pencils break down the middle the very first time you sharpen them!

Wally’s acrylic paints turn to stone in no time!

Do you like surprises?

With Wally Green’s brand spankin’ new algorithm, prices change while you shop, not only in our CrapApp but in our stores too!

If you’re a good-looking girl, Wally’s new Artificial Idiocracy (AI) just might lower the price before you get to the register! If Wally asks you for a date and you turn him down, not only will our prices double, but you risk getting banned from the store!

Download our new CrapApp to shop from home! We don’t care what you look like, if you’re sitting on the crapper or if you’re in your birthday suit. If you forget that it exists, you will hear about it at least 80 times when you call for your prescriptions, because we want to fire as many clerks as we can to bring ourselves bigly profits!

7/5 Very Stable Geniuses (including Wally) think this new pricing game is a gas!

Don’t forget to stock up on Sleevies, Mr. Plopsy Canes and Turd Machines!

Buy one get one half off, but never free!