Wacky Kankakee inventor Wally Green is just kicking himself for not having thought of this invention first. Just think of all the money he could have made from selling them in Wally Green’s Drugstores! Could the special pet person in your life use a Pet Petter?
Kankakee pharmacy owner and barfly Wally Green is playing solitaire after the nice lady in the dress and heels rejected his moves. Apparently his tall tales about his wrongly having lost the deed to Manhattan Island after pirates stole it from his ancestors was too much for her (and his air-horn noseblowing).
Do you think Wally will ever get a date?
Wally Green has been notorious for his wacky inventions for quite some time. Some of his ideas have made it into his drug stores. Others failed to pass patent approval and almost landed him in prison.
Made from real fingers, this new organic health drink was set to be the new health craze, only it failed FDA requirements, and put Wally on several law enforcement watch lists.
This production-oriented, automated toilet would flush well ahead of schedule and make sure to splash its user, doubling as a bedde. As an added bonus, Toiliot would entertain people by making fart noises after flushing, much like Wally would when he blew his nose.
This computer program would require its user to type in their password correct the first time. Any error would result in electric shock and their account locking up immediately.
Do not look for these products at a Wally Green’s near you.
Barfly, pharmacy owner and wacky inventor Wally Green looks for the magnet to his steel in the want ads since no fine ladies are at the bar to hit on.
Wally Green is so proud of his inventions, which he made after graduating bottom of his class with a double major in Engineering and Pharmacy Sciences. He now proudly sells these things in Wally Green’s Pharmacy Stores all over Kankakee County.
Wally invented the double zipper so manufacturers can add them to handbags — along with superflouous pockets — to increase prices for low added production costs. Wally figured, who cares if bags unzip when you zip them, and bags zip closed when you go to unzip? Yes, his design is intentionally flawed since the zippers work against each other when the customers pull them. As long as Wally makes his money, he is happy because he loves cold hard cash.
Half ply toilet paper
Have you gone into a store or stayed in hospital and gotten enraged at the dirt cheap toilet paper supplied for the bathrooms? Thank Wally Green. He invented Half Ply Toilet Paper to save money for cheap retailers who do not care about their customers, but do care about cutting costs and increasing their bottom line. It breaks off one piece at a time, but who cares if the customer or patient cannot get it off the roll if Wally is not the one peeing?
Extra-Clingy Pad Wrappers
Are you having a hard time getting your pad wrappers to stay in the garbage and not fly away? Thank Wally Green. His newest invention is the Klinger Low-Budget Patented Wrapping System. Wally invented a way to make sure that pads cost the same but are cheaper to make. He sells them for the same price in his store, of course, and does not care how frustrating it is for the wrappers to fly up, up, and away in the air, even without wings to soar.
Barfly Wally Green, 56, hits on all the ladies way out of his league, talking all about himself and wonders why they leave his presence.