“I am so tired of feasting on carrion. Dead meat is so boring. Carrion, carrion, carrion!” shapeshifting humanoid vulture Carla Rachella Amanda Medici Moran squawks; her feathers are ruffled again. “My swamp-witch daughter eats better than I do – she eats men whole!”
“Well, yah!” Sonya Marie Smith Moran snarks back.
“You know what I mean. Dead meat. If you had a brain you’d be dangerous. And Undead Greg would eat it.”
Sonya flies away and does air-donuts looking scanning the ground from the sky foraging for foodage. Carla joins her air-bubble and the two angry birds fly home.
“Those bunnies eat my tulips every year. It’s like a smorgasbord for them!” Carla complains, flapping her wings.
“Find another salad bar then,” Sonya says to her sister-in-law and bird-of-a-feather Carla.
“What about my steak garnish?”
Carla flies away to one of her twelve nests around town and Sonya goes back to work.
Connie is devastated. She has been taking care of her sister Paula for the past fifteen years, sharing the only two-bedroom apartment in a low-income complex owned by a certain Sonya Moran with her twin, taking care of dear sibling. Paula had been in hospice care and passed away New Year’s Day. Barely beginning to process the loss of her sister and best friend, she gets a knock on her door.
“We need to move you upstairs by February 1st since it’s only you here,” landlord Sonya Moran demands, not a shred of empathy or sympathy to be found.
“My sister just passed away.”
“In your lease it clearly states that should your household size change, you must notify me immediately.”
Sobbing, Connie asks Sonya “Can I get a few months? I—“
“It is company policy that you move out by February 1st.”
Sonya walks back into her office next door to the home of Connie and her late sister to look for more people to harass. Then she rips a huge fart. “That was a good one. Let’s Go Brandon!”
The Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) pays a visit to inspect the housing complex, one of many Sonya Moran owns and operates. After so many false write-ups issued to tenants for pretend lease violations, Sonya has raised an eye.
After completing their inspection, they knock on Sonya’s door to give them their report. Nobody’s home.
The inspectors leave their report on a clipboard next to the apartment-complex entrance and head out to evaulate the next place on their list.
Resident Kitty Bee walks downstairs from her unit to check her mail. After tossing her junk mail and Dunning letters from CRASS, she bends over to read the curious clipboard. There are just as many remarks as there are checkmarks on HUD’s pass/fail inspection report.
Sonya Moran files a $6 million lawsuit in federal court against HUD, Wally Green, Robbie Hurlbutt, Gothic Diana Ross and a whole bunch of other random strangers from the Midwest for allegedly violating her 1st, 4th, 14th and 69th Amendment rights.
She also files a suit against the city. Her goal is to bankrupt the city and ruin the lives and careers for everyone named in the original suit. She lost the last one, so she’s trying again. She’s a sore loser who is butthurt, throwing a temper tantrum because she lost the Albion, Indiana mayoral election and because word got out to HUD about her crappy apartments.
The Judge throws out Sonya’s lawsuit like yesterday’s news — because it pretty much is.
“Everybody cheated!” — Sonya Moran