Meet Lori Brown, estranged former wife of Bourbonnais neckbeard Damien Hurlbutt. A covert narcissist, Damien refers to Lori solely as “Grimace” while actively trying to get back with her so he can emotionally abuse her again. Lori works as a medical billing clerk in Chicago, loves root beer and burning poopies.
Read about Lori here:
Wacky Kankakee inventor and wannabe ladies’ man Wally Green wants to open up a furniture store. Just think of all the annoying commercials in which he can star!
Kankakee debt collector Sybil Kibble thinks this CRASS page is a real treat: https://facebook.com/crassllc
We here at MoronicArts congratulate Kankakee for making number five on this list.
Kankakee bill collector and dog-food enthusiast Sybil Kibble helped her Ma JoAnn create a Fakebook account. Next, she is going to help her make one of them FaceCalls.
Keep up with the dumb CRASSians here: https://facebook.com/crassllc
Blink and you’ll miss the house of Bourbonnais neckbeard Damien Hurlbutt, but maybe you’ll want to.
Gothic Diana Ross, lead singer of the Kankakee band The Midnight Supremes, cancelled her cross-county tour due to the coronavirus pandemic. Since Kankakee pharmacy clerk, disco king and Elvis impersonator Robbie Hurlbutt cannot stalk his number one crush in person, he kisses her new poster instead.
Kankakee bill collector Sybil Kibble had her turkey-flavored dog treats. She offered her mother JoAnn some, who declined. Sybil gladly ate her mother’s portion.
Oh what, pray tell do you think he is making? Wally wants to sell these inventions in the Kankakee Wally Green’s pharmacies. Look for them on a corner near you!
These sunglasses slip off and plop on the floor so you have to buy more! Other features that Wally think will change your life:
These glasses get caught on all your stuff, just to annoy you. Made of the cheapest plastic in Illinois, Glassholes smear constantly despite daily cleaning. Pair them with a face mask, they will be sure to steam up without fail.
Feel the power of Glassholes when they disappear within the bowels of your bag only to reappear when not looking for them.
PLASTIC BOTTLE TABS:
Mandatory for all Wally Greens’ products, they make all products you buy twice as hard to open! Buy one, get one 50 per cent off (but never free).
Now with even more errors, Autoincorrect is now pre-installed in every phone! Embarrass your co-workers! Impress your friends with each new autoincorrection.
HALF-MOON TOILET SEAT:
The half-moon toilet seat is a real game-changer, it only fits half your moon! Wally Green’s uses less plastic and you pay more money. Sit on it incorrectly and you might pinch your thigh! This product is a win-win-win for Wally Green.