Moron Kombat

Communal narcissist and poopyburner Bern Cacca decides to shed her squeaky-clean facade a bit and try posing for OnlyFarts.

Bored with the lack of attention and revenue from her side-hustle, Bern heads out to the Bourbonnais Buckstars café to grab a cuppa mud. Ennui took over; Bern sat around hoping customers would recognize the wannabe celebrity that is THE Bernadette Cacca, charity singer and Port-O-Dump Proprietor. Nope.

In walks Gothic Diana Ross, local singer and Bern’s next-door-neighbour.

“You walked by Peppi and I and did not even say hi?”

Ennui took over Bern, as Diana heads toward the café bar to place her order, so she starts making up crap to try and smear her, hoping customers might just overhear her.

“Meet me outside” Bern whispers to Diana as she opens the coffeehouse door to exit.

Not wanting to cause a scene, Diana rightfully ignores Bern egging her on.

Bern follows Diana outside and starts hurling insults about her singing.

“You sing like a dying cow!” Bern screams to Diana as she lunges toward her.

Moron Kombat begins. Gothic Diana Ross knocks out Bern Cacca with one blow to her turd-eating piehole and walks to her car, not a drop of coffee spilled, unlike the bulbous Bernadette Cacca whose spilled hers all over the pavement.

Lucy Furr Visits Hell’s Coffeehouse

Image: Full color cartoon of a coffeehouse. A large woman wearing a pink outfit can be seen in the foreground, and a green ogre behind the coffee bar.
text reads "Level 9 Hell. Hell's Cafe."

During her 99-hour shift, Hell’s in-processing clerk Lucy Furr heads down to the 9th Circle to grab some joe so she can stay awake. “I would like an extra large latte with Irish Cream” Lucy tells the barista.

“We do not have Irish Cream” the barista advises Lucy.

“Okay, I’ll get an iced red-eye with extra shots.”

“Don’t you know where we are? We don’t served iced coffees.”

“Oh. Can I just get a cup of whatever you have? And make it fast. I need to go back to work.”

“We don’t serve coffee in Hell.”

“Then, what do you serve?” an angered Lucy asks the ogre working the counter.

“Misery. Satan put up this pretend coffeehouse to fake out the damned.”