Bern Cacca Is The Masked Singer

“Hey there my ultra-cool and spooky neighbor! You have a beautiful voice! I am making masks out of old bed sheets and passing them out. Deeanna, would you like one?” communal narcissist Bern Cacca annoys her neighbour Gothic Diana Ross as she minds her own business doing work outside her Manteno home.

“Get lost.”

“These masks are better than other ones because they’ve been quality tested by me, and washed with Lysol.”


“Then can you please give me a donation to support my mask project? I wash all the money.”

“Ya know that expression, put your money where your mouth is?”

“I know it very well. I am a pillar of excellence, playing accordion covers of pop tunes to raise money–”

“If ya don’t go now, I will put your mouth straight to my fist.”

“Oh I gotta go baaaad. Time to light more farts to burn portapoopies! Maybe some of my own too…” Bern rambles on as The Boss Gothic Diana Ross is long out of earshot, resting quietly inside her slate Victorian mansion.

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