Welcome to Hell

Kankakee pyramid schemer Leona Krabalsky and Bourbonnais narcissist Damien Hurlbutt both arrive at Hell’s in-processing department at the same time. “Sign the register” says Hell’s in-processing clerk and former Medical Office Assistant, Lucy Furr, who was notorious for bullying her roommate on their college trip to Italy. Meanwhile, Doris and Damien try to take over.

Moron of the Week: 7 Feb 21 – 13 Feb 21

I am so tired of these Ace Ebb landlords. These petless wonders around here think it is okay to discriminate against us pet parents. It is illegal to discriminate against parents of human children — who make bigger messes than my five year old tortoiseshell cat — and should be illegal to discriminate against us pet parents. My cat just sleeps on a blanket all day.

Our rental market is so bleak for us poor folks, men create listings looking to give a break on the rent in return for “fun.” Last I knew these quid pro quo arrangements were illegal. Considering the bad things landlords around here get away with — both public and private ones — I am not surprised.

Also, thank the owners of the complexes charging $1000.00 – 2000.00 USD for so-called “luxury apartments” in a depressed area, during the middle of a freaking pandemic.

For taking advantage of people, I award the Utica area slumlords and rent-sharks Moron of the Week. You deserve it.

Moron of the Week: 31 Jan 21 – 6 Feb 21

If you would like to meet a real-life Damien Hurlbutt, now is your chance. This childrens’ performer is so selfish, he is more concerned about waiting for his wife’s heart surgery than, you know, his sick wife?

I pray she leaves him. I hope Brett lives out the rest of his life in an apartment full of his bubble-toys and puppets, a bare mattress, and a non-working toilet.

For his heartless behavior, I award Brett Roberts Moron of the Week.

Moron of the Week Coming Back!

Yes, I love to roast real life morons here on MoronicArts. Because WordPress forced its glitch machine, AKA their “block editor”, the code for the Moron of the Week page broke beyond repair.

Moving forward, I am going to award these buffoons their awards on the main page, creating a new category for their non-fiction nonsense.

A La Knuckle Sandwiches

Gothic Diana Ross, leader of the Manteno-based cover group The Midnight Supremes, is getting tired of her next-door neighbor Bernadette Cacca peeling out of her driveway, blasting her accordion, and stinking up the air by burning poopies. Diana wants to have a word with Bernadette, who is polishing her wall-mounted Turd Machine, and walks over after she finishes making her poo-shooter shine.

“You have a very punchable face.” Gothic Diana Ross tells Bernadette.

“I have a beautiful face? Aww, thanks. I get that a lot.”

“A punchable face you dipstick. Come here, I’ll give you a knuckle sandwich.”

“Thanks! I love to eat!” a wide-eyed Bernadette exclaims with glee, mouth hanging open until she gets punched by Miss Ross.