Kankakee communal narcissists Bern Cacca and Damien Hurlbutt met one night dancing to this farty tune playing at a local grocery store. Damien did the scoot-and-poot and Bern lit a match.
Tag: comedy
Moronic Martial Arts
Can I Talk To Sybil? I’m at the Beach.
Kankakee bill collector Sybil Kibble and I had trouble connecting over Zuum, so she went to her local PetMart to buy some dog-food dinner.
Since her favorite — Alpo — was not on sale, she bought this doggie doobie hoping to get high.
Sybil did not get the buzz she wanted after working a long, hard day interrupting strangers’ meals, so she gave it to her ma JoAnn who rents her basement, because JoAnn loves squirrel-watching. What a doozy.
[ EYES ONLY: What’s a virtual tip jar? Find out here. Or just look at stuff, that’s okay too. ]
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Top Ten Stupid Ways to Annoy People
- Write to classified ads from 25 years ago. Personal ads a plus.
- Forward those survey emails get when you give away your info at the store to all your friends in your contact list.
- Call 1-900 chat lines and ask for pizza.
- Burn girlie magazines in the fireplace. When the owner of the magazines sees what you’re doing and gets mad, tell him that you ran out of firewood and didn’t want to freeze.
- Wish somebody a happy birthday in the paper when it’s not their birthday. Better yet, make up names (and try to rhyme).
- Speak in tongues to telemarketers.
- Ring the doorbell at a stranger’s house right when they show the Publisher’s Clearing House van pull up on TV on the day they pick the winner. Then run away as fast as possible.
- Pronounce company initials and vowel-less acronyms as whole words.
- Call up companies and ask if they’re “hearing”. When they ask you what you’re talking about, ask if you can get an “aphlication”.
- Drive a motorcycle up your parents’ stairs when they’re trying to sleep.
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Madeline, You Tried.
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The Narcissist Brothers – Robbie and Damien Hurlbutt
They know what they want, and they want it right now!
Call D. U. Hurlbutt at 500-FART-NOW
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Coming Soon to a Wally Green’s Near You!
Toe Stubberies
Do you like pain? These might look like rollers, but these metal cylinders are designed to give you extra toe-stubbage! Perfect for your bedframe or office chair.
Extra Ploppety Pills
Do you like it when things fall? Increase your plop factor using the power of entropy mixed into every pill you swallow! Now when you visit Wally Green’s Pharmacy Department, be sure to ask for our patented ingredient!
No More Cord Tangles
Pour on your electronics cords to get the tangles out! This liquid works best when your devices are plugged in.
What will Deerfield, Illinois born drugstore owner, barfly and wannabe ladies’ man Wally Green invent next?
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This just in.
We here at MoronicArts are sorry to announce that there will be no toilet paper giveaway this year.
Bernadette used it all up.
We are sorry for the incontinence.
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Bernadette’s New Bop
Manteno communal narcissist and poopy-burner Bernadette Cacca just discovered her new favorite tune. Maybe she will perform it live for charity on accordion.
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Bernadette Cacca Found Her New Best Friend.
Communal narcissist and poopie-burner Bernadette Cacca wants to go find this chick and shoot poopies at Gothic Diana Ross out her turd machine together.
https://www.distractify.com/p/kaitlin-bennett-exposed-passed-out-drunk
MoronicArts 
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