Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS), LLC buys up useless debt like they do penny stocks. The face of bill collector extraordinaire and dog food connoisseur Sybil Kibble lit up, grinning ear-to-ear when she got this coupon in the mail at her Kankakee McMansion. She bought them to have on her lunch break from interrupting the meals of strangers begging for money whether or not they owe it. Bone Appetit!
“God is that you, I have some questions,” asks Kankakee debt-collection firm CRASS’ chief, Mack E. Avelli. “I am sorry IF I have ripped people off. I was just trying to help. I come from a broken home, and my heel spurs really have been hurting. I have a stitch in my side…”
“Mack, go back to bed! It’s just your phone!” exclaims his 22-year-old wife Judithann.
Mr. Avelli checks his mobile phone, despite his wife’s plea, putting it on speaker:
“We have pre-approved loans and you still may be eligible. Press one now to get a hassle-free decision…”
“Ooooh, you’re cute” says 22 year young Judy Avelli, as she encounters Marty the Mailer-Daemon at a Chicagoland mall. Meanwhile, her 60-something husband, Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS) cheese-in-chief Mack E. Avelli is outside photographing roadkill. Judy captures Marty on film, while the mailer-daemon captures her heart.
CRASS debt collector Dale Davis finally got his economic stimulus check, so he made a big donation to the Illinois State Lottery.
This Moron slid into Kankakee debt collector and dog-food enthusiast Sybil Kibble’s inbox and would not let go. Silly scammer, get a hobby.
Kankakee debt collector and dog food enthusiast Sybil Kibble hopes to find a bone with her name on it.
Sybil Kibble unveils the new “Enigma” computers for her debt collection team at Credit Recovery Associates in Kankakee, known better by their acronym CRASS.
“How do you get on the Internet?” asks a quizzical Dale Davis.
“Just type “INTERNET” and then “RUN.”
“How do you load the Collect-o-matic 2000?” a wary Judy Avelli asks.
“Just hook the machine up to a parakeet cage and type away.”
(Buy Sybil and the other denizens of the Moroniverse a Ko-fi or two to help keep this site up and running!)
Kankakee bill collector and dog food enthusiast Sybil Kibble wants to double down on debt but her debtor isn’t buying it.
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Join the Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS) and MoronicArts fanpage on Facebook!
We want to TP everyone in Kankakee! On April 1st, come over to the headquarters of CRASS and get the scoop on poop! One brand spankin’ new roll for each customer! If you use both sides, it lasts twice as long!
Act now, before you get the runs, I mean we run out!
CRASS Chief Executive Officer
Mack E. Avelli
https://www.facebook.com/crassllc
PS: April Fools!
PPS: Buy Sybil and Jen a ko-fi!
MoronicArts 
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