Tag: crass

CRASS Chief Mack E. Avelli’s Vision

~ Jen ~ 1 Comment
Dimly-lit cartoon of a dark-haired man in his late 50s, wearing a bathrobe and glasses, waving.

“God is that you, I have some questions,” asks Kankakee debt-collection firm CRASS’ chief, Mack E. Avelli. “I am sorry IF I have ripped people off. I was just trying to help. I come from a broken home, and my heel spurs really have been hurting. I have a stitch in my side…”

“Mack, go back to bed! It’s just your phone!” exclaims his 22-year-old wife Judithann.

Mr. Avelli checks his mobile phone, despite his wife’s plea, putting it on speaker:

“We have pre-approved loans and you still may be eligible. Press one now to get a hassle-free decision…”

A Dale and a Dream

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A black-and-white cartoon of a middle aged man sitting in his kitchen, scratching lottery tickets.

CRASS debt collector Dale Davis finally got his economic stimulus check, so he made a big donation to the Illinois State Lottery.

Romance Scammers Are Really Dumb.

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This Moron slid into Kankakee debt collector and dog-food enthusiast Sybil Kibble’s inbox and would not let go. Silly scammer, get a hobby.

Screenshot of a conversation between Sybil Kibble and a scambot.

Sybil Snacks

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Kankakee debt collector and dog food enthusiast Sybil Kibble hopes to find a bone with her name on it.

New CRASS Computers are a real ENIGMA

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A black-and-white carton of a skinny blonde woman gesturing behind an Enigma Machine setting on a table.

Sybil Kibble unveils the new “Enigma” computers for her debt collection team at Credit Recovery Associates in Kankakee, known better by their acronym CRASS.

“How do you get on the Internet?” asks a quizzical Dale Davis.

“Just type “INTERNET” and then “RUN.”

“How do you load the Collect-o-matic 2000?” a wary Judy Avelli asks.

“Just hook the machine up to a parakeet cage and type away.”

(Buy Sybil and the other denizens of the Moroniverse a Ko-fi or two to help keep this site up and running!)

https://ko-fi.com/artbyjenx

You want to pay waaaaat?

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Kankakee bill collector and dog food enthusiast Sybil Kibble wants to double down on debt but her debtor isn’t buying it.

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Join the Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS) and MoronicArts fanpage on Facebook!

https://facebook.com/crassllc

Kankakeeeeeeee!

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and CRASS, where Sybil works. :D

https://facebook.com/crassllc

She’s A Mad, Mad, Woman

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Meet Madeline “Madwoman” Topolla-Teirant, wife of CRASS Accounting Chief Konrad “Kon Man” Teirant and mother to his kids.

Madeline met Konrad while drafting up his real estate deeds to ensure no other multiplexes can come to Kankakee. Human Resources Manager and Chief of Security at a low income housing complex, Madeline has a reputation for verbally abusing tenants. The superintendent calls her his “biggest asset”, however the tenants call her other things. Madeline gets her reputation as Madwoman for calling tenants “childish little girls”, literally pointing her fingers and telling them to do their own maintenance.

Madeline loves Nora Roberts novels and spends her free time away from her husband and children, sitting at the local bookstore reading. However, she never spends a penny, putting them all back on the store shelves after she finishes the endings.