Made from Newly Formed Turds (NFTs) mined the old-fashioned way, Manteno’s very own bog witch and doo-doo-gooder Bern Cacca says:
“Craptocoin can put poop back into your backside! Have a good do your business day!”
– B.M. Cacca
Be sure to wipe and flush. Don’t forget to wash your hands!
How dumb are the stupid regulations here in the United States that restaurants are required to put Fool’s Bread on every sandwich wrap and Camouflage Straw-paper on every straw? So dumb that Wally Green sells every variety!
Fool your friends, creep out your customers and puke-induce your patients with Wally’s patented Fakeout Paper every time they take a bite! Instant sensory overload guaranteed!
Buy one pallet, get one half off (but never free) at your corner Wally Green’s, home of the Turd Machine and the Wallyt! While you’re there, say hi to Deerfield native and Kankakee resident, Mr. Walter Augustine Green himself. The self-proclaimed “nice guy” is single and ready to mingle, ladies!
Manteno pretend do-gooder, port-a-dump empress and Craptocoin hawker Bernadette Moran Cacca sure knows how to act stupid. I am so glad this moron and others like her are fake:
Slumlord scum, Ferengi lover and Poopy Groupie President Sonya Moran sure knows how to party.
Area 51 test subject, Squirrely Dan neckbeard, and world’s largest source of natural gas Damien Hurlbutt undergoes daily flatulence testing in their Alternative Fuel Sources Department.
Kankakee drugstore owner, wacky inventor and wannabe ladies’ man Wally Green sells his wares at the home of the Buy One, Get One Half Off (But Never Free) Sale.
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Orange and green with a bent carrot on their jerseys – The Kankakee Bent Carrots would lose every game because they are too busy in-fighting to play ball.
Did you know that “moron” is the Welsh word for “carrots?”
My favourite Welsh word is the word for supermarket — “#archfarchnad”
Dw i’n hoffi coffi – I like coffee
(no covfefe about it)
Weithiau, dw i’n prynu losin – Sometimes, I buy candy
(Andes Candies are great, unlike Andy Skandees)
Llefrith, ffrythiau a llysiau — Milk, fruits and veggies are my other top three.
“Archfarchnad” is fun so say. It sounds like I am cursing, and feels just as cathartic, when I’m just talking about the grocery store. (Though I would not blame you one bit for cursing in Walley World.)
Anywhere in Wales; please don’t act like the moron from Northern Canada who thought Wales was in England. Just don’t.
Nevermind me – let’s talk about the Manteno, Illinois’ very own Bernadette Moran Cacca – a communal narc-a-doodle.
She sings with the voice of an angel and has the soul of the Devil.
A proverbial wolf-in-sheep clothing, looks are deceiving.
Bernadette does charity work, pretending she cares, just for the photo opportunity.
A port-a-potty proprietor, she burns the port-a-poopies in the fireplace after lighting her farts to spark the fire. She excels at gaslighting in more than one way, because you know, she’s a narcissist.
She is great at pooping and does it a lot.
A master of her domain, she is a swamp witch who is great at luring in unsuspecting men so she can have a Donner dinner party for one.
She excels in annoying her next-door neighbors Gothic Diana Ross & the Midnight Supremes burning poops and practicing her kazoo cover tunes. She is secretly pathologically envious of her neighbors because they are talented and beautiful. Meanwhile she continues to pump out sludge like this:
Bernadette M Cacca
YOU’RE THE BEST, Undead Greg! Great to see you!!!
Undead Greg:
Oh my! This is so much fun. Bernadette Cacca is a goddess. We’re taking over this joint! Thank you for all the great music Miss Bern.
Bernadette M Cacca
You’re the GOAT!!!
Undead Greg:
NO YOU!
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