Here at the Moroniverse, we have a whole collection of Kankakee Countys’ best bent carrots, not sold at a Wally Green’s near you.
Gather ’round the table, and chew on this:
Bent Carrots
Tag: dailyprompt
Wally Green’s Turd Machines
“Of all the turd-machines I’ve bought, I love Wally Green’s the most! I get great deals on them, buy one/get one half off (but never free). The other brands just don’t measure up. I love my Turd Machine Deluxes because I can keep my vaults safe to mine Craptocoins the old fashioned way!”
— Bernadette Moran Cacca, Manteno
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Bill Collector Awareness Day
Also known as “International Thank A Debt Collector Day”, Kankakee bill-collector Sybil Kibble thinks this day is just keen. Next time she calls, throw her a dog bone or two to celebrate this uniquely moronic holiday (just not the Brand X kind).
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Not The Manteno Cantina
Butt, each to their own
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Bernadette M Cacca wishes to doo-doo her dooty more often.
The Manteno Wonder and ex-GI wants to mine more Craptocoin the old fashioned way, from N.F.T.s — Newly Formed Turds.
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Life-hack
If you’re not Lizzie Borden, you’re not a life-hack, just an imposter.
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JoAnn Kibble Loves to Crush Candy.
Like the lady from the insurance commercial, Kankakee basement dweller JoAnn “JK” Kibble loves crushing her candy game, when she’s not watching 500 Left Turns or chasing squirrels.
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Don’t behave like these morons.
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The Craptocoin
Made from Newly Formed Turds (NFTs) mined the old-fashioned way, Manteno’s very own bog witch and doo-doo-gooder Bern Cacca says:
“Craptocoin can put poop back into your backside! Have a good do your business day!”
– B.M. Cacca
Be sure to wipe and flush. Don’t forget to wash your hands!
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Wally’s Wacky Wares
How dumb are the stupid regulations here in the United States that restaurants are required to put Fool’s Bread on every sandwich wrap and Camouflage Straw-paper on every straw? So dumb that Wally Green sells every variety!
Fool your friends, creep out your customers and puke-induce your patients with Wally’s patented Fakeout Paper every time they take a bite! Instant sensory overload guaranteed!
Buy one pallet, get one half off (but never free) at your corner Wally Green’s, home of the Turd Machine and the Wallyt! While you’re there, say hi to Deerfield native and Kankakee resident, Mr. Walter Augustine Green himself. The self-proclaimed “nice guy” is single and ready to mingle, ladies!
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