The Backside of Bern Cacca

Manteno’s very own communal narcissist Bernadette “Bern” Cacca learned how to impress people in high school by giving classmates rides, starring in plays for charity and volunteering for charity. Did Bernadette care about those people and causes? OF COURSE NOT. She did it all for attention and to clean up her crappy reputation.

Bern’s grades were decent in school, despite her having turned a teacher against an autistic student.

She loved going to award ceremonies, collecting all the “merit” awards while most of the student body wanted to go to sleep.

The self-proclaimed Manteno Wonder, Bernadette tried to use her combat acting skills as a wrestler for a few years upon graduating from high school.

One day, after her career as a wrestler did not work out, Bern had an epiphany. Wanting to impress the entire world — which Bern considered her destiny — she decided to enlist in the United States Army.

Bernadette had high hopes for excelling, becoming an officer and meeting George W. Bush. However, her peers did not like her antics.

During her tour of Iraq, Bernadette got punished for demanding better tasting rations, taking more than three minutes in the shower, and refusing to do physical training because she thought she was too good for it.

Bern was placed on poop-burning dooty, kinda like these guys in Afghanistan:

Bernadette loved burning poopies out in the desert so much, she continued to SNAFU everything she touched, so she could get back on the poopy-burner squad.

Bern went AWOL and was eventually discovered swimming in a bog, luring in unsuspecting people to devour, and got dishonorably discharged.

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