Tag: dating

Moron of the Week – Bored Wannabe Playboy

~ Jen ~ 3 Comments

It’s not really hard to impress me. Ask me questions about what music I like, and my favorite hobbies. Ask about MoronicArts, I don’t care.

Sadly, about 95 per cent of interested suitors get this part wrong. How had is to to…you know…try?

Take this rando who slid into my inbox:

For acting like most of the other guys, and then probably complaining to your male friends why you cannot get a partner, I award this dime-a-dozen douche and all others like him Moron of the Week. Try and compensate for your deflated ego. You just got an award, dude!

Wally Green Bores His Date

~ Jen ~ 2 Comments
An older man boring his younger date at a bar table.

Happy Hour is anything but happy for the date sitting with Kankakee barfly, wacky inventor and wannabe-ladies-man, Wally Green. Wally tells the pretty lady boring tall tales about his family almost getting the deed to Manhattan until pirates stole it, the time one of the Men In Black pulled up to his car at an Illinois fast-food store, and how he almost made the cut for American Inventor.

Dale Davis Dreams of a Life With Sybil Kibble

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Kankakee bill collector Dale Davis wants to make dollars and cents with his boss, dog-food diner Sybil Kibble.

“I’m worth your time.”

— Dale Francis Davis.

Upside Down You Turn Me

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Local yokel and poor Elvis impersonator Robbie Hurlbutt has a huge crush on Gothic Diana Ross, lead singer from the Manteno band The Midnight Supremes.

Robbie stalks Diana on Fakebook and Utube, telling her she is the best diva on earth and she can be the boss of him anytime.

Do you think Diana is impressed?

Kitty Gets Ghosted

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Poor Kitty B. She has it bad enough living on the same block as Sybil Kibble and PJ Hurlbutt, dealing with their antics. She had matched with a guy named Dick who had swiped right on OKStupid, only to never hear from him again, like so many other time-wasters. She had said he was cute and all he said was “thank you” in their hour-long video chat.

She feels invisible, having been ghosted by a moron like him.

Kitty is taking a break from Internet dating to work on art and studying for college, meanwhile Dick is busy sliding unsolicited messages into Fakebook inboxes along with gross photos nobody wants.

The Narcissist Brothers – Robbie and Damien Hurlbutt

~ Jen ~ 1 Comment
A black and white drawing featuring concentric circles, a cartoon of an Elvis impersonator and a neckbeard wearing a fedora. Text: Robbie, Damien. Old Supply, New Supply. You Got It, We Want It. Robbie and Damien
New Supply, Old Supply — You Got It, We Want it.

They know what they want, and they want it right now!

Call D. U. Hurlbutt at 500-FART-NOW

Sybil’s Got a Dating Site Match!

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Sybil Kibble has matched very closely with this single guy. He drives a Chrysler LeBaron just like Sybil does. They could drive off into the sunset in matching cars. Sybil is going to write to him and ask this do-it-yourselfer if he will eat dog food if she fixes it for him.

https://cheezburger.com/9707781/bill-the-tinder-profile-weve-been-waiting-for

Damien is Number One Alright

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Bourbonnais, Illinois narcissist and fedora-sporting neckbeard Damien Hurlbutt, nortorious for writing his lunacy letters, posted this new picture to his dating ad on Tindling. What do you think?

Wally Green Looks For Love in All The Wrong Places

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Barfly, pharmacy owner and wacky inventor Wally Green looks for the magnet to his steel in the want ads since no fine ladies are at the bar to hit on.

Damien Admires His Hoard

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Damien admires his hoard, the love of his life. He is thinking of adding this photo to his PlentyOfFlesh profile, to impress the ladies. Size matters, right?