Kankakee communal narcissists Bern Cacca and Damien Hurlbutt met one night dancing to this farty tune playing at a local grocery store. Damien did the scoot-and-poot and Bern lit a match.
Tag: fiction
Under The Bridge
Town troll Leona Krabalsky runs from under her bridge between Kankakee and Bourbonnais after Manteno sociopath and port-a-potty entremanure Peppi Cacca confronts her for selling fake drugs. Peppi brags he has “ARI: Armed Redneck Insurance.”
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Moronic Martial Arts
Can I Talk To Sybil? I’m at the Beach.
Kankakee bill collector Sybil Kibble and I had trouble connecting over Zuum, so she went to her local PetMart to buy some dog-food dinner.
Since her favorite — Alpo — was not on sale, she bought this doggie doobie hoping to get high.
Sybil did not get the buzz she wanted after working a long, hard day interrupting strangers’ meals, so she gave it to her ma JoAnn who rents her basement, because JoAnn loves squirrel-watching. What a doozy.
[ EYES ONLY: What’s a virtual tip jar? Find out here. Or just look at stuff, that’s okay too. ]
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If social media platforms had dating profiles…
Youtube
Location: San Bruno, California
Politically I am:
The copyright police. Wooo-wooo, don’t go to jail now!
About me:
Due process, what’s that?
I am good at:
Kissing up to the MPAA and RIAA, altering statistics for the heck of it
I am known for:
Knocking down content based off accusations alone; installing annoying commercials with cranked up sound effects and bad, bouncy, boingity music before as many videos as possible. I am not attractive among most of my peers, nor most people on the planet.
Location: San Francisco, California
About me:
Tweet tweet!
I am good at:
Saying things very quickly. See, that was fast!
I am known for:
The 45th President of the USA and his tiny hands. He is my best customer!
Location: Menlo Park, California
Politically I am:
Extremely conservative
About me:
I will tell you only what I want you to know. Shrouded in mystery, I have no support system and I am not good at answering messages.
I am good at:
Giving you updates on stuff you don’t want and not giving you the updates you want.
I am known for:
Useless changes and telling you the same story over and over again. I do not like nudity. Violence is okay.
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Top Ten Stupid Ways to Annoy People
- Write to classified ads from 25 years ago. Personal ads a plus.
- Forward those survey emails get when you give away your info at the store to all your friends in your contact list.
- Call 1-900 chat lines and ask for pizza.
- Burn girlie magazines in the fireplace. When the owner of the magazines sees what you’re doing and gets mad, tell him that you ran out of firewood and didn’t want to freeze.
- Wish somebody a happy birthday in the paper when it’s not their birthday. Better yet, make up names (and try to rhyme).
- Speak in tongues to telemarketers.
- Ring the doorbell at a stranger’s house right when they show the Publisher’s Clearing House van pull up on TV on the day they pick the winner. Then run away as fast as possible.
- Pronounce company initials and vowel-less acronyms as whole words.
- Call up companies and ask if they’re “hearing”. When they ask you what you’re talking about, ask if you can get an “aphlication”.
- Drive a motorcycle up your parents’ stairs when they’re trying to sleep.
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Madeline, You Tried.
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The Narcissist Brothers – Robbie and Damien Hurlbutt
They know what they want, and they want it right now!
Call D. U. Hurlbutt at 500-FART-NOW
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A Dale and a Dream
CRASS debt collector Dale Davis finally got his economic stimulus check, so he made a big donation to the Illinois State Lottery.
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Happy Easter from MoronicArts!
Happy Easter from JoAnn, Sybil and PJ. What are you doing today? The Kankakee crew are squirrel-watching.
MoronicArts 
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