At the Indiana Museum of Natural History, this cryptid is a type of shape-shifting turkey vulture. Only one other example has been uncovered, both during a dig near Albion in Noble County. Rumor has it, her name was Sonya and she did a lot of moronic things, along with her sister Carla.
Kankakee basic babe, bill-collector and dog food enthusiast Sybil Kibble got so excited to acquire the new contract with ExPeedia, she bought herself some treats to celebrate. Unfortunately for her, she got the fool’s bones by mistake.
Manteno bog witch, narcadoodle, and port-a-john proprietor Bernadette Moran Cacca is pooping green with envy because she did not get this brown cake to celebrate her birthday all April Fool’s Month long. Aww, a tiny violin is played in her honor.
Here Bernadette, have a sucker.
Good news from the Moroniverse: Out of the kindness of their hearts, Midwestern slumlords Sonya Moran and Madeline Topolla-Teirant are giving away free rent for life! Read this note issued to their tenants:
“Self-reflection is scary but important. We are sorry we verbally abused you, woke you up in the middle of the night with frivolous fire-alarms, and issued false lease violations. You can stay in our mansions rent-free, because we are so sorry we lived rent-free in your heads.”
Sincerely,
APRIL FOOLS!
Manteno pretend do-gooder, port-a-dump empress and Craptocoin hawker Bernadette Moran Cacca sure knows how to act stupid. I am so glad this moron and others like her are fake:
Slumlord scum, Ferengi lover and Poopy Groupie President Sonya Moran sure knows how to party.
Area 51 test subject, Squirrely Dan neckbeard, and world’s largest source of natural gas Damien Hurlbutt undergoes daily flatulence testing in their Alternative Fuel Sources Department.
Kankakee drugstore owner, wacky inventor and wannabe ladies’ man Wally Green sells his wares at the home of the Buy One, Get One Half Off (But Never Free) Sale.
Size matters! Over 500 short stories, some shorter than other, all free of charge to read here on MoronicArts. :D Subscribe using your WordPress or email account. It’s FREEEEEEEEEEEE!
Manteno pretend do-gooder and real doo-do-er Bernadette Cacca may not be much of a racer (nor that good a driver), however she found a race specially made for her, because she loves to get the runs (so she can burn them). She would be a regular here. Butt, do they take Craptocoin?
Since 2017, I have written 500 short stories, some shorter than others.
Size matters.
Try these helpful replies to nosey “Where’s your jacket?” spammers:
After the recovering from the HUD investigation, malignant narc-a-doodle and attention-seeking fool Sonya starts to poop out a bunch more fake lease violations accusing her Manteno, Illinois residents of launching stinkoff from cat pee fair across their buildings and using their floors as washrooms, but this time typing them on a manual typewriter to hopefully evade more trouble from the feds. Sonya leaves her briefly office to whizz, comes back to see this helpful instruction notice taped to her door.
Sonya crumples it up, checks her non-existent security cameras to find out who did it. Ooops. Sonya accidentally forgot to renew her security contract because she did not want to get caught on tape harassing her residents.
Furious, Sonya storms out her door to look for the person, only to see dozens of these same flyers wallpapered across the hall, and outside:
As the frenzied fool and Ferengi fan makes her way to her manager suite, she jumps up in panic to see that a dog had peed ALL OVER her fake violation notices after scattering them on the floor in front of her office (and probably digging his feet in them afterward to show off his hard work).
“Good boy!” she hears off in the distance, a voice too faint to recognise.
“Oh my stars! That dog highlighted every single one of my rule of living violation notices! What am I gonna do now? Those precious papers, my babies…”
Sonya breaks down, gets down on her knees and cries about the dog’s desecration of her factitious fault files.
Wanting a break from work and her usual carrion lunchmeat, the shapeshifting humanoid turkey vulture takes flight to find the biggest fast food joint she can find.
She lands at a McDonald’s which is so large it takes up an entire Chicago block. Sonya shape-shifts into her humanoid form after having been previously yeeted from a Midwest business which does not allow animals.
Sonya chows down on her greasy burgers and fries, washes them down with a large pop. Wanting a stiff drink and a place to nest for the night, Sonya walks across the street:
“Hotel Ferengi and Bar, sounds like my kinda place!”
Sonya enters the bar and orders a Long Island Iced Tea.
“Sorry, all we got is root beer. I can get you a great deal on a hotel room!”
“Sign me up!”
Sonya scans the QR code and downloads a booking CrapApp. She books the fanciest room in the entire joint and heads to the counter to check in. She hands the clerk her ID, gives him the reservation number and a pint of blood.
“All set, all we need is 50 slips of Latinum.”
“I just pre-paid!”
“50 slips of Latinum, ma’am.”
“I don’t have it.”
“It’s our policy. We need to charge you or you won’t be able to stay here.”
“Who can I talk to about getting it waived?”
“I am the only manager here.”
Calling her bluff, Sonya asks who is above her to hopefully resolve this confusion.
“I have my manager on the phone.”
“Hi Quark. I pre-paid my room.”
“Yes, it’s our policy to charge every guest a 50 Latinum deposit fee.”
“I don’t have it. How do I pay if if I don’t have it?”
“It’s our policy. Pay it now or leave.”
“Do you accept Craptocoin?”
“Don’t accept her reservation,” Quark tells his employee.
Sonya flies out the door and across Chicago to find another hotel.
Sonya walks into the Acne Hotel, upon suggestion of one of the other Poopy Groupies she called on her Smell Phone.
“Hi, I’d like to make a reservation for a one bedroom”
“Great. It’s $99.95 a night.”
“Awesome, here’s my card.”
The clerk swipes Mrs. Moran’s card and prints out her reservation. Sonya thinks about all the tenants she can’t wait to swindle again.
“Great. Before we give you the keys we just need 100 slips of Latinum.”
Sonya pauses and stares.
“Can’t you just accept a couple of candy bars or something?”
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