Bernadette Cacca Hires Mentors Cover Band to Promote Her New CrapApp.

January 30, 2024January 30, 2024 ~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

As part of her campaign to promote regularity, Manteno’s very own communal narc-a-doodle, former wrestler and port-a-potty proprietor Bernadette Cacca tries to persuade people to invest in Craptocoin, mined the old fashioned way from NFTs (Newly Formed Turds).

To promote her new app, Craptocoin Registry And Preserved Poop Exchange Resource (CRAPPER), she hires the cover band Manteno Mentors, known to their fans as the MaMentors to perform tunes like this NSFW gem:

Pat Splatt plays guitar, JB The Turd Burglar plays bass, D-Fail of The Chickenheads growls the vocals, and her husband Peppi Cacca is too stoned off skunk-weed to play drums so he smokes his double-fisted doobies to double as fog.

Unfartunately for Bernadette, her CrapApp fails to launch. The MaMentors ditch the bog witch after one gig because she had paid them all in Craptocoin.

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People Who Drive Like Bern Cacca.

January 30, 2024 ~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

Bloganuary writing prompt

What do you complain about the most?

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Bernadette Cacca Blames The Poopy Groupies For Her Bad Driving

A Very Moronic Make-Under

January 21, 2024January 20, 2024 ~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

It’s Sixth Grade Graduation time in Manteno sometime during the early 1990s.

Gothic Diana Ross’ mother starts a feud with her, because she had watched a few too many talk shows and wishes her gothic daughter would wear boring basic clothes like her.

“Why don’t you dress like all the other girls?”

“I am not the other girls. I am me.”

“Why are you wearing THAT? Why don’t you wear your NICE shirt?”

“I could go naked…”

“You’re not helping!”

“Whaddya mean I’m not helping?”

“You’re not going to Sixth Grade Graduation looking like THAT!

Wanting a chance to look good on film, Mrs. Diana calls up the Morans next door at 810 Kant Street and asks if Diana can borrow Bernadette’s clothes. They end up needing a massive hem, so Mrs Diana safety-pins the blue gingham dress and sends Diana out against her will wearing Bern’s massive un-gothic clothes. Bern goes to sling her arm around Di for the photo, and the rightfully embarrassed Diana shoves Bern’s arm away. Not to be dismayed from getting her way, the spoiled little brat Bernadette sneaks behind Diana and rests her arm on her right as Mrs. Ross snaps the photo.

Konrad’s New Brown-Drink Adventure

January 21, 2024January 19, 2024 ~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

Tycoon tyrant Konrad opens a new café inside his Bourbonnais multiplex, Cinema-13. The barista had just poured the drinks and of COURSE he orders his son Bratley to pick them up.

“You’re hired! Now git to work!” Kon demands while he dreams of the big bags he will make from his new bean-soup business venture, happy to be rid of his former concessions clerk Damien Ulysses Hurlbutt whom he fired after he stopped showing up to work, because he was too busy getting caught trying to storm Area 51.

Want to go behind the scenes and see the artistic process behind these silly stories? Visit: https://ko-fi.com/artbyjenx and if you feel so inclined, leave Chief Moron Wrangler Jen a tip. The Moroniverse will thank you. :)

Wally Green’s – Home of the Buy One, Get One 50 per cent off (but never free) sale.

January 9, 2024 ~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

Daily writing prompt

Come up with a crazy business idea.

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Coming Soon to a Wally Green’s Near You!

Nine Ways to Yeet Bernadette Cacca

January 7, 2024January 2, 2024 ~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

How can we yeet Kankakee County’s biggest fake do-gooder? Let us count the ways.

World’s largest slingshot
Ejector seat
Hide your poopies in another town (Sorry princess, but your turds are in another castle.)
Deportation
Close washrooms for maintenance.
Put her in a cage with a hungry lion. She’s already an undead bog-witch and will reanimate after becoming recycled food.
Refuse Craptocoin at your establishment. Have security 86 her after she has a public freakout.
Call the HAZMAT team.
Run an empathy test (preferably Voight-Kampff). She will get mad after flunking miserably, and yeet herself.

Happy New Year!

December 31, 2023 ~ Jen ~ 2 Comments

Happy New Year from The Moroniverse!

Out with the old, in with the new. Year 2023, yeet to you!

The Bent Carrots

December 26, 2023 ~ Jen ~ 1 Comment

Daily writing prompt

If you started a sports team, what would the colors and mascot be?

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Orange and green with a bent carrot on their jerseys – The Kankakee Bent Carrots would lose every game because they are too busy in-fighting to play ball.

Did you know that “moron” is the Welsh word for “carrots?”

MoronicArts Classics: Money Can’t Buy You Love, Robbie.

December 24, 2023 ~ Jen ~ 1 Comment

The Hurlbutts get together for their annual Christmas shenanigans. After opening $1000 worth of useless crap from Damien, Kankakee store clerk, covert narcissist and Elvis impersonator Robbie opens the sole gift from his mother. PJ could not wait to give this to Robbie.

Robbie opens his present. “Maaaa, you got this for free from Sybil.”

“It’s an autographed Elvis picture! I got it for you because I know how much you love Elvis.”

“You paid nothing for it. I spent $100 on that Blu-Ray player and the bootleg copy of Dune.”

“Money can’t buy you love, Robbie,” a disappointed PJ advises her spoiled brat son, who is throwing a tantrum like a three-year-old.

“I’ll take it. I can sell it on eBay!” the elder Hurlbutt son Damien tells his little brother Robbie.

The Hurlbutt brothers argue back and forth — after all, that is what narcissists love to do. PJ tries to break up the fight. Meanwhile, smoke is coming from the kitchen.

PJ runs into the kitchen.

“What is that?” Damien inquires.

“The Yule Log,” PJ sarcastically replies.

PJ takes the meat out of the oven just in time to stop a fire, and sends her dorky kids home so she can have a peaceful rest.

Before PJ has a chance to lie down, her best friend Sybil Kibble rings the doorbell.