Kankakee, Illinois:
Credit Recovery Associates (“CRASS”), LLC Spokesman Mack E. Avelli proudly announces their new Facebook page. Follow it to keep up on all things CRASS.
Tag: sybil kibble
Welcome to the Kibble McMansion!
Kankakee bill collector Sybil Kibble was so happy to finally have a visitor at her McMansion, where she rents her basement to her mother JK, only to discover it was just the letter carrier.
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year from all the morons!
Walking While Distracted
Kankakee debt collector Sybil Kibble takes a walk around her neighborhood, only to get a call from a bill collector looking for her. Mad because the tables are turned, Sybil pays little attention to the traffic ahead.
Sybil’s Got a Dating Site Match!
Sybil Kibble has matched very closely with this single guy. He drives a Chrysler LeBaron just like Sybil does. They could drive off into the sunset in matching cars. Sybil is going to write to him and ask this do-it-yourselfer if he will eat dog food if she fixes it for him.
https://cheezburger.com/9707781/bill-the-tinder-profile-weve-been-waiting-for
Sybil Purina Kibble
Kankakee Ruins
Sybil Kibble sure does miss this place.
The aroma would open up the eyes of her heart and maybe make her want to fart.
Feel the power of the Kankakee dog food factory, a Kankakee stalwart.
Sybil Noir
(to the tune of Midnight City by M83)
Sybil’s in a mood
Wishing she had some dog food.
Driving to some beats
Hoping she will score a sale on some treats
Getting to the shop
Sybil forgets to check her clock
Sybil gets there too late
The Pet Mart just closed their gate.
CRASS Cubicle Contest
“You are number one!” Team Leader Sybil Kibble tells new part-time Collections Representative, Robbie Hurlbutt.
“I know,” Robbie smirks.
“No, I mean you made the top of our production metrics. Good job, keep doubling down on debtors and you will do well here at CRASS.”
Robbie flashes a thumbs up to Sybil and swings back around to his cubicle.
“Ding.” Everybody gets the same email.
From: “Mack. E. Avelli” [bigmack@crass-llc.con]
To: “CRASS Corporate Listserv” [all-crass-l@crass-llc.con]
Friday, October 25, 2019
Subject: Cubicle Decoration Contest
We here at CRASS care about employee stress. Therefore I, as your polite and tenderhearted Chief Executive Officer, am extending an entire thirty minutes (:30) to participate in the company cubicle contest (CCC). Be creative in decorating your cubicles and have fun! You are not required to use your lunch for this event, but we encourage you because time is money!
The winner will be selected by our very own art director, the lovely and talented Dorian James on Halloween Day.
The prize will be a trophy to display in your office. Have a spooky good time!
Regards,
Mr. Mack E. Avelli
CRASS Chief Executive Officer
The collectors get to work making calls and decorating their cubicles. Robbie Hurlbutt, a local Elvis impersonator best known for an Internet meme featuring a scowling lady unhappy with his nursing home performance, covers his cube with Elvis record covers. Dale Davis covers his walls with ghouls and goblins. Sybil Kibble covers her supervisor cubicle with devil dogs.
It is a cold, windy Halloween day in Kankakee and it is starting to rain. “If you don’t like the weather here in the Midwest, wait five minutes,” Dale jokes to Sybil.
“Eeep!” The email all of CRASS has been waiting for comes in.
“Who changed our notification sound to a wild eep?” Robbie asks.
“That was probably Dorian,” Sybil sighs.
From: “Dorian James” [dorian@crass-llc.con]
To: “CRASS Corporate Listserv” [all-crass-l@crass-llc.con]
Thursday, October 31, 2019
Subject: Cubicle Decoration Contest Winners and Losers
Sybil: Your design lacks thought and maturity. It is not what we are looking for.
Dale: There is no art development and it basically reads like a rather puerile joke.
Tara: You are obviously a 13 year old drama queen…Grow up little girl.
Mack: Several of us discussed your design and did not like it. Not everyone likes what I make. It is not personal.
Mike: You need to get used to the fact that not everyone is going to like your work and move on.
Robbie: That is the best design I have ever seen. I love Elvis. You are my winner.
R,
Mister Dorian James
Art Director Extraordinaire
Credit Recovery Associates
The staff is upset with valid reason…except for Robbie. He is smiling away, taking calls and collecting his Form 4s from all the bonuses he gets from not accepting less than double what the debtors can afford to pay. Robbie is grinning ear to ear and cannot wait to rub his trophy in to the entire staff after he receives it.
Robbie continues to successfully make one call after another, when he gets a wide-eyed visitor.
“Hey there, fella!” an upright, confident Dorian James chants to Robbie as he is very happy to see him.
“Oh hey man! Thanks for picking me! Better than picking my nose ya know.”
Awkward silence ensues.
“That was a joke, ya know,” Robbie says nervously.
“Oh sweetheart, I am here to present you with your award.”
“Thanks, man!” Robbie says as he accepts his tiny, gold-tinted trophy.
“Oh, thank you honey. Not a problem at ALL! Hey Robbie, what ya doin’ after work? I think ya kinda cute and wanna take my number one man to dinner!”
“Wait, what?” a confused Robbie asks.
“Yeah cutie! I love your Elvis hair and your clothes! Let’s go out and do karaoke or something!”
“No way man. I quit!” An infuriated Robbie storms off the job and out the building.
Dorian feels crushed by the rejection.
“How does it feel to get rejected, huh Dorian?”
“Yeah you little reject! Now start walking in our shoes.” Sybil says to a beleaguered Dorian.
The staff all begin to laugh at Dorian and make their ways home. It is the end of a long, scary, stressful workday.
Happy Halloween!
Birthday Greetings to Sybil Kibble!
Happy Birthday to Sybil Kibble! We hope your day is a real treat!
