Doris Krabalsky is getting frustrated at the lack of interest in her pyramid schemes, despite her best attempt to convince strangers on the street that essential snake oils can cure all the ailments. She heads to a local cafe to read up on marketing tactics so she can hopefully become the bossbabe she wants to be when she grows up someday.
Sybil Kibble saw this sample table at the store and got so excited! Who cannot resist free food?
Sybil went on vacation to the dog food factory in Clinton, Iowa and had the time of her life. She posted these photos to her wall to remember her fun. Enjoy!
Sybil Kibble with her best friend, PJ Hurlbutt, her grumpy neighbor to whom nobody else talks.
It is a beautiful morning in Kankakee. Sybil wakes up and checks her Fakebook page. “Five new messages? I wonder what they could be?
Sybil clicks the small notification icon toward the top of the Web browser. The page reloads.
“Pages like yours are being boosted. Reach 1000 users for just $10. Contact Fakebook Advertising Services today!”
“Hot dog!” Sybil exclaims, as if someone else is in the room to hear her.
“What a swell idea! I am going to take this to the next level,” Sybil thinks to herself as she plots her next scheme.
Sybil hops into her LeBaron and drives on down to the Bradley/Bourbannais area, near the exits off Interstate 57. She parks her coupe in an abandoned parking lot. Sybil dons her sandwich board and marches to the nearest street corner.
“If it can work for the mattress stores, then it can work for me” Sybil slyly thinks to herself as she flashes her sign. It reads. “HONK IF YOU LIKE WEB SITE ADS! I WILL MAKE ONE FOR YOU!”
People drive by, and they honk, but not for the reasons Sybil expect. They also extend a one finger salute and use words Sybil did not expect to hear, very colorful words in fact. Some of the male drivers even made proposals to Sybil, but not business proposals, and certainly not the proposals Sybil expected.
Needless to say, Sybil went home without a single sale.
Poor Sybil.
Kankakee County Events – Coming Soon!
Sponsored by Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS), LLC.
“We take from you, but we give back, too.”
Damien and Robbie Hurlbutt: The Hoarder Brothers of Kankakee County. Newly updated Robbie description in Cast of Characters!
Meet their mother, PJ:
It was a beautiful morning for 31 year old Tyrell Fowler of Kankakee. He was about to start his new job with Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS), LLC, his first “real” job since graduating college ten years ago. He was happy to finally have his own place so he did not have to listen to his mother complaining about him living in her basement and not having a job. He has a history of getting fired over his hostile attitude and his unwillingness to take direction, especially from women.
Tyrell chewed eight antacid pills, after pouring them into his mouth like a beer. Tyrell intentionally constipates himself every morning because he has an extreme aversion to wiping. He showers after each dump.
“That was one good breakfast burrito!” Tyrell says to himself. He logs off The Red Pill subreddit, gets into his overly lifted, full-ton truck and heads to his first day as a CRASS Information Technology contractor.
“This will be such an easy job,” Tyrell thought to himself, “Man, CRASS must be the easiest place to work in the world. Anyone can get a job there. Even I can.” Tyrell laughs audibly. He pulls into the CRASS parking lot and signs in.
After being trained as the newest CRASS IT guy, Tyrell cannot wait to start installing the company’s new computers.
“Are you Miss Kiblee?” Tyrell asks.
“It’s Kibble.” Sybil sighs.
“Like the dog food?”
“Okay, you are here with my new computer and your phone is playing really loud music. Can you turn it down?” Sybil asks.
“No, I need it to work.” Tyrell says sternly, thinking he is the boss.
“Look around. See what we do here? We talk on the phone all day to collect debts. That is how we bring in money. We need it quiet here.”
Tyrell turns his phone down a few notches.
“Okay you are here with my new computer, did you bring the new printer too?” Sybil asks Tyrell.
“No, that’s not on the work order. You will have to call Purchasing. I am just a contractor,” Tyrell says and begins to install the computer.
Sybil calls Purchasing and verifies that the printer was indeed ordered. Purchasing asks to speak with Tyrell. Tyrell refuses.
“Tyrell, Purchasing wants to speak with you.” Sybil puts her phone on speaker.
Tyrell reluctantly speaks to Purchasing, who confirms that Sybil was correct. However, Tyrell does not have the printer with him. Meanwhile, the CRASS Chief Information Officer (CIO) calls Tyrell.
“How are the installs going?” the CIO asks Tyrell.
“This lady is terribly rude to me. Do I have to continue to the installation process?”
“This man is lying!” Sybil shouts. “He was rude to me!”
“Here, I will put you on speakerphone” Tyrell says slyly and puts his mobile phone on speaker.
“Hello, this is Sybil. I am Team Lead over here in Collections Management, how are you?
“Just fine, what is going on? the CIO asks.
“Our new recruit is being insubordinate here.” Sybil told the CIO.
“No I am not, she is lying!” Tyrell exclaimed, his belly rumbling now.
“Just get back to work,” the CIO commanded Tyrell.
Tyrell pulls out his cell phone and points it at Sybil. “Sybil I am recording you now.”
Sybil gets out her cell phone. “I am recording you too. I do not consent to being recorded. Turn your phone off.”
Tyrell lies and says his phone is off, however Sybil continues to record Tyrell’s verbal diarrhea as well as the light from his turned over cell phone which she can clearly see. “I gotta run. I am scared. You touched me. I fear for my life. You are hostile. Oh crap, where is the bathroom?”
“I did not touch you. Keep making crap up and I will continue to record it.”
“Quick, Sybil, tell me where the men’s room is! It’s an emergency!”
“That’s not my problem,” Sybil says and laughs. “What’s that smell?” Sybil smirks, looks straight into her phone’s viewfinder, and points it back at Tyrell.
“Argggghhghhhhhhhhh! Crrrrrraaaaaaaaappppp!” Tyrell shouted at the top of his lungs.
“Ppppppppphhhhhhhhhhffffffffffttttttttttt!”
“Now that is something to post online,” Sybil says with a smile.
Needless to say, Tyrell was crap out of a job that day.
MoronicArts 
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