Tag: one minute read

What The Truck?

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Leon Peeonne takes the wrong bus by mistake. When he realises he is on the wrong bus, he walks out the front door, kicks the side of bus and walks home to see his girlfriend Rachel, who is sawing a forest in her sleep.

Mr. Peeonne wakes up and decides it is time to buy a vehicle. Leon takes the right bus this time, and de-boards at Brandon’s Imbecile Machines in Kankakee, hoping to buy an overly lifted truck to lift his ego.

“What comes in a fully loaded truck?”

“I cover it myself in decals like containing misogynist sayings, one of the Insane Clown Posse dude, and a random letter P. Maybe some Faygo and Cheetos too. Proud Juggalo here.“

The two fools shake hands.

Leon meets Brandon at the financing office to discuss payment.

“Umm, do you accept barters?”

“It depends. What ya got?”

“A case of fat-free oil, a gross of dehydrated water, and 17 cubic zirconia rings.”

“Yeah…no. Do you have any money at all? Cash?”

“Umm, I got these NFTs. Newly Formed Turds.”

Leon pulls out some freshly mined Craptocoin he got from Bernadette Cacca in Manteno after his mother Leona – the Kankakee troll – egged him on to buy the rotten-egg scented craptocash.

Brandon just shakes his head. He does not want any more crap. He is already full of it.

Upside Down You Turn Me

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Much to the dismay of their narcissistic neighbors – entramanures and poopyburners Peppi and Bernadette Cacca – the beautiful dark ladies Gothic Diana Ross & The Midnight Supremes debut their new tune, “Upside Down.” This Manteno, Illinois cover group is happy to drown out the brown notes emanating from Bern’s kazoo, mouth and accordion.

MoronicArts Is Out To Lunch!

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Happy June from The Moroniverse! The Midwest lunch bunch carries the weight of the world’s largest carrot on their shoulders. We would like to thank the Universe for all the story-fodder, all that moronic inspiration, and Sybil’s mom JoAnn Kibble.

Sybil Kibble Rage Mows

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image: color cartoon displaying a blonde woman in glasses mowing her lawn.

After a long, hot day interrupting people’s lunches and dinners asking for money they probably do not owe, Kankakee bill collector Sybil Kibble rage-mows the heck outta her lawn.

Help Sybil save up for a new lawnmower and some more dog bones to eat: https://ko-fi.com/artbyjenx

Welcome Back, Brandon Dixon

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After spending 30 days in Kankakee County Jail, Brandon Dixon was happy to be free again to sell imbecile machine at his used vehicle lot.

Brandon could not wait to drive his overly lifted truck, covered in decals displaying The Imitation Punisher, profane sayings in a gun-shaped-font, and a Confederate flag to his ”Welcome Party.”

Mr. Dixon would do anything to make sure his Compensationmobiles would go to his customers, however he missed all sales that day.

Joe Biden is visiting to a farm in Kankakee tomorrow and this has been going around FB. I cropped out their meeting place and time.
by inillinois

Moronic Half Assets Puts Their People First

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Kankakee County’s Vaudeville troupe Moronic Half-Assets (MHA) boasts they put people first, as they have all the entertainment with half the budget.

Master of Ceremonies, Cinema-13 owner and CRASS Chief Cook of the Books Konrad Teirant tells really bad jokes. Meanwhile his wife Madeline “Madwoman” Topolla-Teirant juggles chainsaws and tries to balance on a large ball. Robbie Hurlbutt does his best Elvis impersonation

Since their show attendance has been rather non-existent, the Teirants invite their kids Bratley, Chanel # 6 and * to watch the Aroma Park couple and their Kankakee buddy Robbie perform, becoming the first audience members ever.

Since their kids are the only people in attendance that night, the MHA audience again dwindles down to a mere goose egg since they get bored watching their parents’ lame act and walk out.

Catch their tour across the United States (or not):

June 31st 2022 in Gary, Indiana

February 30th, 2023 in Utica, New York

May 32, 2023 in Steubenville, Ohio

It’s a NULL from me.

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Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS) Chief of Information Technology, Fernando T. Perez, wants drive to the office here in Kankakee and show off his new vanity plate. Sadly, he shows up late to his job managing the Enigma Machines attached to birdcages. Find out why in this video:

Needs More Butt Trumpet

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“This song needs more farty sounds.”

“Isn’t it groovy?” Kankakee Elvis impersonator and wannabe ladies’ man Robbie Hurlbutt asks his brother-in-narcissism Damien who loves to brag about his toot-a-lage.

“I only like the fart parts.”

Silly Birds, The Squirrels Need to Eat

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Kankakee bill collector Sybil Kibble and her silly ma JoAnn love to go squirrel watching. Sybil made sure to bring some dog bones to munch on during her excursion.

“Squirrels are nature’s comedians.”

— Sybil Kibble